Me: "This knot in your neck is related to the knot between your shoulders."
Client: "I thought they were cousins or something."
Client: "Soooo I understand you have gone into full-blown war mode with the raccoons."
Me: "Yup. Got my first confirmed kill."
Client: "I heard! How did you kill it?"
Me: "Well if we had videoed it we would have won Funniest Home Videos for sure. Corwyn was whacking it with this big sword he bought in Spain. I picked up a construction hammer and knocked his brains loose. It was pretty comical."
Client after I gave her a scalp massage: "Oh my! I think that is the best part!"
Client: "You raised your prices....I used to look like a great tipper when I gave you a hundred dollar bill. Now I look cheap!"
Client: "People who don't like dogs, I am always skeptical about."
Me: "Bayer my ass. Massage is the number one pain reliever."
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Heard This Week on the Massage Table
Client: "So what's been happening with you?"
Me: "Well, Corwyn was chasing raccoons out of our garage and slammed his big toe into the HVAC, the same toe that was operated on last year, so he is having surgery this week. We were rear-ended and got whiplash last week, car is in the shop. One of my cats was run over and killed. How was your 3 weeks in comparison?"
Me: "Do you get regular massage back home?"
Client: "I haven't been but I will be doing it now!"
Me: "We haven't seen your girlfriend in a while...."
Client: "Ah, she's gone.....like most of them--they get replaced. My mom says my love-life is like a season of UK Football. Each one starts out full of promise but fizzles out in the end."
Client: "Oh Kim! I am so glad to see you. I say that I go thru Hell working out with Corwyn, then I come to Heaven when I see you."
Client: "That seemed a lot longer than 90 minutes."
Hubby: "Time spent with Kim ALWAYS seems longer."
Me: "Well, Corwyn was chasing raccoons out of our garage and slammed his big toe into the HVAC, the same toe that was operated on last year, so he is having surgery this week. We were rear-ended and got whiplash last week, car is in the shop. One of my cats was run over and killed. How was your 3 weeks in comparison?"
Me: "Do you get regular massage back home?"
Client: "I haven't been but I will be doing it now!"
Me: "We haven't seen your girlfriend in a while...."
Client: "Ah, she's gone.....like most of them--they get replaced. My mom says my love-life is like a season of UK Football. Each one starts out full of promise but fizzles out in the end."
Client: "Oh Kim! I am so glad to see you. I say that I go thru Hell working out with Corwyn, then I come to Heaven when I see you."
Client: "That seemed a lot longer than 90 minutes."
Hubby: "Time spent with Kim ALWAYS seems longer."
Friday, October 4, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Someone Died Here
This weekend Hubby and I headed out to the World Chicken Festival (which was not very worldly by the way) and along the roadway we saw several crosses marking sites of a loved one's fatality car accident. You know the ones I mean.... hand-painted "RIP", yellow ribbons, tacky plastic flowers,etc. The technical term is "roadside memorial" and this trend is creating controversy around the world. My question is simply "Why do we feel the need to put our grief on a seemingly permanent display?".
People die all the time and yet we do not feel the need to mark the spot where they drew their last breath--unless it happens on a major highway. When did we decide MVA fatalities need to be marked like an address on Google Maps? Does driving by the scene where the accident occurred and seeing a tribute to the dead make this loss somewhat more profound? Does it serve as a warning for other drivers? Were all these dead drivers' families too poor to afford a plot in the local cemetery? Did the family members hope their markers would become important historical sites 100 years from now? I. Just. Don't. Get. It.
Some folks will say I am insensitive. Perhaps some will think I do not understand grief. And let's face it, I worked in a 911 Center for years so I have become desensitized to some degree, but this trend of planting death markers along the highway is just plain disturbing to me. Allow me to explain why these memorials bother me so much. Ya know what I think of when I see these markers? Pets being buried in the backyard; their graves marked with a decorative rock. That is what I think about when I see these gruesome markers. Which leads me to another thought..... I wonder if any of the death markers are for family pets. It is quite plausible that Fido could wander out into a busy street and get a quick ticket to Doggie Heaven. Instead of a nice quiet backyard memorial, Fido will be forever tied to an ugly marker on the busy highway that ultimately aided in his demise.
So where do we draw the line on what is or is not an acceptable place for the death markers?
Clearly hospitals are out due the to sheer volume of sick and injured people that seek treatment. Picture yourself being wheeled into the ER and noticing a wreath on the nurse's station that has a big ass number that depicts how many people died here. Not very reassuring, eh? Ignorance is bliss in this instance.
What about drowning victims? Will the new fad be to anchor buoys over the accident site? "RIP Billy Ray. Good Man, Weren't so Good Swimmer"
Nursing homes......do I really need to elaborate on this one? Instead of death markers they would need a "Now Serving" sign like Baskin Robbins.
Suicide victims? Are memorials off the table for those who take their own lives? What happens if they commit suicide by wrecking their car? Do they get the death marker then?
While I am making light of this, I truly understand the tremendous loss one feels when their loved one passes. I mourn and grieve my losses too, but for me, it is a private matter.....with a lovely headstone in a cemetery--you know, the place where death memorials are not only welcomed, but encouraged.
People die all the time and yet we do not feel the need to mark the spot where they drew their last breath--unless it happens on a major highway. When did we decide MVA fatalities need to be marked like an address on Google Maps? Does driving by the scene where the accident occurred and seeing a tribute to the dead make this loss somewhat more profound? Does it serve as a warning for other drivers? Were all these dead drivers' families too poor to afford a plot in the local cemetery? Did the family members hope their markers would become important historical sites 100 years from now? I. Just. Don't. Get. It.
Some folks will say I am insensitive. Perhaps some will think I do not understand grief. And let's face it, I worked in a 911 Center for years so I have become desensitized to some degree, but this trend of planting death markers along the highway is just plain disturbing to me. Allow me to explain why these memorials bother me so much. Ya know what I think of when I see these markers? Pets being buried in the backyard; their graves marked with a decorative rock. That is what I think about when I see these gruesome markers. Which leads me to another thought..... I wonder if any of the death markers are for family pets. It is quite plausible that Fido could wander out into a busy street and get a quick ticket to Doggie Heaven. Instead of a nice quiet backyard memorial, Fido will be forever tied to an ugly marker on the busy highway that ultimately aided in his demise.
So where do we draw the line on what is or is not an acceptable place for the death markers?
Clearly hospitals are out due the to sheer volume of sick and injured people that seek treatment. Picture yourself being wheeled into the ER and noticing a wreath on the nurse's station that has a big ass number that depicts how many people died here. Not very reassuring, eh? Ignorance is bliss in this instance.
What about drowning victims? Will the new fad be to anchor buoys over the accident site? "RIP Billy Ray. Good Man, Weren't so Good Swimmer"
Nursing homes......do I really need to elaborate on this one? Instead of death markers they would need a "Now Serving" sign like Baskin Robbins.
Suicide victims? Are memorials off the table for those who take their own lives? What happens if they commit suicide by wrecking their car? Do they get the death marker then?
While I am making light of this, I truly understand the tremendous loss one feels when their loved one passes. I mourn and grieve my losses too, but for me, it is a private matter.....with a lovely headstone in a cemetery--you know, the place where death memorials are not only welcomed, but encouraged.
No Fish For Me Please
One of my clients, over age 70, was very agitated about rude drivers today. She told me that she tends to have a lot of rage when she drives and today was no exception. She told me that she was headed to her Bible Study group and that she was in the fast lane... and she was even (God forbid) speeding, but another car was aggressively riding her bumper and making gestures for her to get out of the way. The other driver had her windows down and as she passed my client, she yelled some ugly words at her. My very sweet, adorable client said she "gave her the finger". As an afterthought she said "Times like that is why I don't have a fish on my car. I might be a Christian but I still give the finger and I wouldn't want to have that thrown back in my face."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)