Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Santa Knows Best


THE PRICE IS WRONG BITCH

I was sitting at my desk relaxing between appointments when I noticed a car pulling into my reserved parking spaces.  Yes, I meant SPACES as she straddled both lines and took up both spaces.  I was already miffed about this when she walked into my clinic and within minutes she was able to send my miff-itivity into overdrive.

I greeted her and asked if I could help her, to which she replied "I want to buy your special."  I asked her which one and she tells me the $39 massage that I advertised on Dealsavers.  I informed her that I do not participate with those kind of deals.  She then insisted that she got my address from the Dealsavers site.  I reiterated that it was not me and then she very nastily says "OH IT IS YOU because I got your address from their website and if you're not going to HONOR it....."  At this point I decided that whole "the customer is always right" practice was just not an option today.  So in an equally firm voice I say "IF IT WAS MY DEAL, I WOULD HONOR IT, but as I have explained to you it is not me and I am not trying to make you mad but there is nothing you are going to say to me that will make me agree to doing a massage for $39.  Now would you like to hear more about the deals that I AM offering?"

While I was telling her about my specials she kept searching for the deal on her smart phone and insisting that she got my address from Dealsavers.  So again I tell her that it is not me but if some other company was giving out my information I definitely needed to investigate the matter.  So I asked her if she was interested in purchasing my special and she says "OH NO! That's too much and I have wasted my time driving over here."  Then Little Miss Confusion huffed out of my office.

So while she was sitting in her car, in my reserved parking SPACES, using her smart phone to locate this "deal", I found the deal on my PC and walked out to tell her the correct location.  I tapped on her driver's side window and then I gave her the  name of the business and explained exactly where it was located.  Upon my delivering the news of the correct address she wrinkled her nose and gagged.

I guess that $39 was not quite the bargain at the CORRECT LOCATION!  So in the words of Happy Gilmore......THE PRICE IS WRONG BITCH!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Heard This Week on the Massage Table

Client:  "That was the worst text message I ever got......the one when you said you were in bed sick."


Client:  "My husband says fibromyalgia is the bored housewife disease."


Client:  "I did a groupon and it was a terrible experience."
Me:  "You should never do a groupon for massage.  Those therapists are desperate for business and that is usually not a good sign."
 

After I complained about a mutual friend's spouse, my client/friend offered her advice on how to rid myself of the annoying right-wing, racist wanna-be client: "You can hurt him....you know you can.  If that doesn't work tell him how great Obama is and that you and your gay friends love Obama."



Fellow therapist on how she handles jerks:  "Those are the ones that I tell 'I am not going to talk to you today so you can get really relaxed'".


Client:  "I bet you have a strong grip!"

Friday, November 9, 2012

Heard This Week on the Massage Table

70 years young client:  "My sister has an Obama bumper sticker on her car and on her way to visit me she was flipped the bird twice.......I don't think her driving is that bad."


Client in a stretch:  "You are in full-blown torture mode today!"


Client as I was doing deep work on her foot:  "Wow that hurts!"
Me:  "Just give me 5 more seconds and it is going to feel great."
Client 5 seconds later as her foot pops:  "Well.......look at you!  That is amazing!"



Client:  "I know you have said that working on feet is hard on your hands, but I LOVE when you work on my feet!"



Client:  "When I was on vacation I got a massage because I was having a headache.  When I asked the massage therapist to work on those trigger points that you work on at the back of my head,  he told me that he had no idea what I was talking about."
Me:  "Somebody didn't pay attention in class."



Me:  "Long time no see!"
Client:  "I am sorry to be putting you out of business but your massages are so good-- I am getting better and do not have to come as often."
Me:  "EXCELLENT!"