Gas Chamber

At some point in your career you will have a noxious fume seep into your massage room.  I am talking about gas, breaking wind, tooting, the bottom burp, pooting.  That's right..... farting.  It is just a fact of life.  For some, the old pucker power just ain't what it used to be.  For others holding in all that pressure until sweat breaks out on your brow might be uncomfortable, but by golly there will not be a public display of this bodily function!  Why is this such a taboo?  I mean we all do it.....

Seriously, if you have someone lying face down on the massage table and you are putting pressure on their lower back or gluteals, there is a very real possibility that you will literally mash the gas right out of them.  Yes, I have seen this up close and personal on more than one occasion and the best anyone can hope for is that your face is not too close to the eruption zone when lets loose!  Sadly, I must report I have seen this way up close and way too personal a few times....and it is always the SBD that gets ya.  (Silent But Deadly, for those of you who are not familiar with this acronym).  The SBD, the stealth stink bomb that hits without any warning until it assaults your nose--and by then you have no choice but to stand your ground and take it like a good massage therapist should.

Over the years I have found that there are two types of massage tooters.  The apologetic/embarrassed and the hopeful secretive.  The first type will giggle at their faux pas and apologize profusely.  The second will lie perfectly still and pray that there was no odor attached to their silent bomb.  There is also the nondescript tooter:  the sleeper.  Occasionally a client will fall asleep on the table and you will get the pootenanny, a condition marked by firecracker like sounds emanating from the bottom for a prolonged period of time.  Since the client is asleep you have no way of knowing if they are amateur status in handling gas pains, but in slumber you are positive that they are gold medalists.

 Let me clarify that there is no right or wrong or better or worse in the tooter category.  There are simply different ways of handling the situation.  Hubby has been known to tell clients to let loose if they need to so they are more relaxed during their massage and can actually enjoy the session instead of counting the minutes until they can relieve themselves.  Some therapists ignore--or pretend to ignore the client's awkward moment.  I try to reassure my clients by borrowing a friend's line, "Any release is a good release!"  My massage therapist pal laughed and kept right on working after he shared this wise statement with me.....right after I made the noise and apologized, thanking heaven that my red face was hidden in the face cradle.