Heard This Week on the Massage Table

 Me:   Did I forget to take you off the schedule this week?
Client:   No did I f u?  Thought it was for tomorrow.
Client:   F*ck it is Wednesday!  I am a dumb-ass, sorry

Client:  Have you heard of Fun Parties?
Me:  Yes
Client:  I went to one last week and the first item they showed us was ball waxing cream, who knew there was such a thing!?


Client:  I think your new room is tastefully decorated and you made a good move trading rooms.
Me:   I like everything about it except for noise.
(As if on cue, bouncing balls started up at the group fitness room next door)
Me:  Well shit.


Client:  How are your chickens?
Me:  Well about 3 am I got up to potty and heard a ruckus--which usually means raccoons are trying to kill one of them.  So not thinking, I ran out the backdoor and into the chicken yard to save them.  I chased off the raccoons and put all the girls back in their coop.  As I was walking back into the house I noticed that I had been chicken herding in nothing but a tee shirt.  I sure hope my neighbors don't have night vision goggles because I am pretty sure that seeing my bare ass would probably have scarred them for life.


Client:  How's business?
Me:  Really good!  My only complaint is I have some clients that want all my Saturdays.  I mean don't get me wrong, I love being busy.....but come basketball season I will not be here when there is a Saturday game.  Priorities, ya know?


Me:  Did you see the news last week, the meth house?  It was about 5 houses down the street from me.
Client:  Oh my god!  We had one in our neighborhood earlier this year too!
Me:  Woohoo!  Not many people can boast about that like we can!