Wal-mart Observations

You know I like to bitch about Wal-mart, but the reality is that this place is a virtual goldmine of writing material.  Each visit is always memorable in some way.  Like....

Fashion.  Who could ever get tired of seeing people shopping in their pajamas?  Sure, I might walk outside in my pjs when the dog needs to do his business, but NEVER would I dream of walking around in public without a bra, let alone sporting wrinkled flannel pants and house slippers.  Or what about the very large women wearing tanktops that are about 5 sizes too small and stretch pants that defy all laws of physics?  Sometimes I catch myself staring and silently hoping to see a seam rip out.  I envision the fleshy parts flopping out into multiple fat layers of white and purple blotches.  Or the greasy-haired, jailhouse tattooed family?  The family that inks together, stays together.  Doubt me?  For a good chuckle, check out the website www.peopleofwalmart.com

Motorized carts.  It never ceases to chap my ass when I see grossly obese people riding around the store with a basket full of Little Debbie snacks.  How about walking around the store and burning off some of those empty calories huh?  A great many of these folks will tell you that they suffer from plantar fasciitis.  What I would like to say is "No, your feet hurt because of all that weight.  What you have is plant-my-fatty-asses.  Lose the donuts and pick up some fresh veggies.  Sure, it might shock your body to actually eat food that is good for you, but it beats the slow death you and your Twinkies are headed for."

Screaming kids.  Has it become acceptable for "parents" to let their children run up and down the aisles unattended?  "Hey lady!  Not everybody thinks your little snot-nosed, dirty-faced kids are cute.  In fact, when they act like this I want to spank your ass for not doing your J O B.  And please shut that screaming baby up!  Or is he like the siren for your shopping cart?"

Announcements.  Does anyone else hear Charlie Brown's school teacher when a Walmartian makes an announcement over the PA system?  "Bwabwabwa bwa automotives bwabwa."

Yesterday I was at the Richmond Road location when a Snoop Dog look alike walked in.  His pants were belted around his knees and his dreadlocks reached his waist--you know where his pants should have been.   He nodded at his friend manning the register and said "Ite, Daw."  The heavy white gal behind me in the checkout line, wearing a boob tube and stretch pants, said "Can you believe how stupid he looks?"  Yep, it's moments like this that make your whole visit worthwhile.