Like other super-heroines, Sarcastabitch has unique super powers too. She can deliver sarcasm faster than a speeding bullet.....although sometimes her sarcasm hits dullards and the whole brain exploding thing works just like they were hit with a speeding bullet. Sarcastabitch also has the ability to read minds. Well, maybe not down to their grocery list, but certainly she can tell whether the gerbil fell asleep at the wheel or if he got his paws on some caffeine and is running for the Rodent Gold Medal. Lastly, she sometimes gets glimpses of the immediate future, which can really give her the upper-hand in a battle of wits.
Just like her sisters in arms, Sarcastabitch has weaknesses as well. She tires easily when she is in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. One would think a short battle would be better, no? All too often it is game, set, and match in a single zinger....then poor ole Sarcastabitch is left with an inordinately large supply of sarcasm and no place to dump it. Sarcastabitch also has a very low tolerance for ignorance. When she is surrounded by stupidity, her Resist Disease Stats (My name is Kim and I was an Everquest junky) are lowered and her mouth can sometimes speak what her brain knows is true but should not be spoken aloud.
This week Kim was having a wee bit of stress and decided to make light of her situation by posting a sarcastic status update on Facebook. Unfortunately this comment was read but not understood by her least dreaded foe, Drama Whore. (Drama Whore had been disguised as one of Kim's Facebook friends so they were able to keep an eye on her activities) Drama Whore, the evil villain that hails from House Shit Stirring and Cowardice, whose motto is "C U Next Tuesday", failed to comprehend sarcasm and humor--despite the fact that thirteen other people liked Kim's post and some others offered a few of their own witty comments about Kim's status update. Nope, Drama Whore only saw Kim" making physical threats toward people."
Anonymous is Drama Whore's evil side-kick. Ever notice how many nasty or evil internet posts are signed "Anonymous"? That asshole is everywhere! Drama Whore and Anonymous love the internet because it allows them to slander and tell lies without ever having to face the good people they are trying to destroy. But on this particular day they decided to cause problems for Kim. Not knowing this was Sarcastabitch's alter ego, Anonymous and Drama Whore launched an attack on Kim. Drama Whore sent Kim a private message laced with statements that might be attributed to someone with a Napoleonic Complex aka Little Man Syndrome. And grammatically speaking....it read like Rainman... on crack.
So just to be polite (one of the best ways to thwart bullies, by the way), Sarcastabitch responded to Drama Whore's message (although Kim had to find a different email account since Drama Whore blocked Kim from replying to the message via Facebook....but I digress) and tried to explain what this weapon of mass destruction aka sarcasm really is. Then without breaking a nail, Sarcastabitch did a wee bit of friendscaping and sent Drama Whore and Anonymous back to their lonely land of Shit Stirring and Cowardice.
For those of you who were reading closely....Yes, earlier I did say Drama Whore is Sarcastabitch's "least dreaded foe". Why? Because Drama Whore only has power when surrounded by other miserable beings that, unlike Sarcastabitch, choose to use their mouths.... without choosing to use their brains.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of sarcasm and should not be associated with any real super heroes, either living or dead. No animals were harmed while writing this piece.
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