Marilyn Monroe Quotes

"I'm very definitely a woman and I enjoy it."

"I don't mind  living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it."

"It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone."


I love that MM embraced her femininity and sexuality!  MM was a size 14 too!  She was living proof that a woman does not have to be stick thin to be sexy.

Mulligan

Ever have one of those days when you want to scream "MULLIGAN" and start the day over?  I need a re-do!

For my massage music of the day, I picked a beautiful CD that has classical piano music with a background of ocean waves.  My client lost a loved one less than a year ago........while swimming in the ocean.

M U L L I G A N !!!!!!

We're Number One!

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - Although it's known for its beautiful horse farms and as the "Thoroughbred Capital of the World," Lexington, Kentucky has gained a new distinction -- as the most sedentary city in the United States.

Along with Indianapolis in Indiana and Jackson, Mississippi it ranked among the most exercise-phobic cities in the nation, according to a new ranking by Men's Health magazine.   Seattle, San Francisco and Oakland, California were the most physically active.

"What hurt Lexington most was the actual amount of activity, or exercise, people reported engaging in -- any physical activity at all, which was relatively low. And they did have higher rates of deaths from deep vein thrombosis (DVT) as well," said Matt Marion, deputy editor of Men's Health.

To compile the rankings of the 100 most sedentary cities featured in the latest issue that will hit the newsstands on Tuesday, the magazine looked at how often residents exercise, the number of households that watched 15 hours of cable television a week and bought more than 11 video games a year, and the rate of DVT, a blood clot in a vein, usually in the leg, which is associated with inactivity. "When we crunched the numbers Lexington finished at the bottom," Marion explained.

Southern cities dominated the least active metropolises. Tulsa and Oklahoma City, also scored a low grade, as did Birmingham, Alabama, Laredo in Texas, Nashville, Little Rock and Charleston, West Virginia.
Marion suspects the southern lifestyle and balmy weather could be contributing factors.  "In certain cities there is a more laid-back lifestyle. That's fine, but there is not that same drive you'll see in certain parts of the northeast or California, or the northwest where people get up every morning and run or hit the gym," he explained.

Residents of power-hub Washington, DC, Salt Lake City, Reno, Portland, Atlanta, Denver and Minneapolis were also visiting the gym or pounding the pavement as each city scored top grades for being active.
"With the most active cities a common theme that runs through is there is a bit more body consciousness, a more youthful and body conscious sensibility in these cities. And I think that equates to people making it a priority, no matter how busy, to get a run in or go for a walk," said Marion.

Drivers Education My Style

Hello Soccer Mom?  Your overloaded minivan--you know the one that is creeping down the highway at 45 miles per hour in the hammer lane?  It should be in the friggin' slooooooooooow lane!  Just an FYI.  Perhaps the next time you are sitting in car line waiting for one of your offspring, you can thumb through the driver's manual and refresh your memory.

Excuse me, Foreign Lady in front of me at the intersection?  When the light is a green turn arrow and you are sitting in the turn lane, QUIT MOTIONING OTHER CARS TO TURN RIGHT ON RED---IT IS YOUR FRIGGIN' RIGHT OF WAY!  Not sure what right of way is?  Get off the roadway until you understand how to drive.  Please and thanks!

Yo!  Youngster on your cell phone?  The light changed from red to green and is now yellow and you are still toying with your phone instead of driving.  It's alright....really.  I don't mind sitting thru another cycle of lights so you can make sure your buddies know your up to the second Facebook status.  BTW, when your car insurance premiums sky rocket I will be ROFL.


Hello, Young Witch with bad hair?  Big red octagonal sign?  It is called a stop sign for a reason.  You arrived last at the 4-way stop yet you rolled right on through the intersection and dared to flip me off when I honked at your poor driving.  UP YOURS!

HEY THUGGY PUNK BOY!  WHEN I CAN FEEL THE BASS VIBRATING OFF MY CHEST AND YOUR CAR IS TWO LANES OVER FROM ME....YOUR MUSIC (using that word loosely) IS TOO FRIGGIN' LOUD!  I AM YELLING SO YOU CAN HEAR ME OVER THE GANGSTER RAP YOU ARE CHILLING TO.  DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND TAKE OUT STOCK IN HEARING AIDS BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR HOMEBOYS WILL BE NEEDING THEM SOONER THAN YOU THINK.

If you are making a turn, use your signals.  All cars are equipped with turn signals so why not use all the accessories that you purchased?  Conversely, if you turned 5 minutes earlier, about 2 miles back, then it is okay to turn OFF your signal now.....unless of course you want to be prepared for a turn you MIGHT be making 20 minutes from now.


Hey cigarette smokers!  How about using your car ashtray for your butts instead of throwing them out the car window and littering?  You never know which of your family members will be wearing orange jumpsuits and cleaning up the mess you left.....

Road rage personified.  Glad you aren't on my massage table about now?

Sexy Attitude

"Let me ask you a question? In all the years you've undressed in front of a gentleman has he asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No....Because he doesn't care, he's in the room with a naked girl. He's won the lottery. I'm so tired of saying no and waking up in the morning recalling every single thing I ate the day before, counting every calorie I consumed so I know how much self loathing to take into the shower. I'm going for it. I have no interest in being obese but I'm just through with the guilt." ~Eat Pray Love, Liz

This quote should become the mantra for every woman! 

And gentlemen, if you want to get a gal in the sack you should take a few notes from Felipe.  Of course it didn't hurt that Javier Bardem played this character in the movie...... but I think most of us ladies would fall for lines like these even if the man was not Hollywood handsome.

Liz Gilbert: I'm sick of people telling me that I need a man.
Felipe: You don't need a man, Liz. You need a champion.


"Listen, balance, my darling, is not letting anybody love you less than you love yourself." ~Felipe

"I like your body.  You are elegant and slender from afar, but round and fleshy up close." ~Felipe
 
Or my personal favorite.  When Felipe decides that he is ready to become lovers he puts on one of his mood music mix tapes, takes Liz by the hand and says:  "Darling, it's time."

I like how those Brazilians think!

Emotional Release

Early in my massage career a client broke down and sobbed while she was on the massage table.  Thanks to my training, I knew that she was having an emotional release, but knowing what was happening and knowing how to handle the situation were two entirely different things for me.  I was taught to be the compassionate therapist who was "present" for my client, but I wondered how present I could actually be when I was more than a little uncomfortable and not wholly sure what action or inaction would best serve my client.

The famous biochemist Ida Rolf, who came upon the idea of Rolfing or "structural integration" believed  that we literally store our thoughts and their emotional reactions throughout the cells of the body.  In other words, memories are not only stored in the brain but throughout the entire body/mind.  Just like the mind can recall things, sometimes touch can trigger memories in the muscle that the mind has long forgotten or buried. 

Since our society frowns upon negative emotions, we tend to bury emotions such as sadness, grief, anger and fear.  So when we hide these emotions, where do they go?  They manifest as tension in our bodies.  Tight neck muscles, headaches, ulcers, et al are just some of the physical conditions that can sometimes be traced back to a negative emotion or a specific trauma or event.  When we have an emotional release it is the body's way of telling us that it wants to let go of that memory or it wants us to recognize the original cause of that nagging, persistent pain.

I like to think of muscle memory as a different kind of compensation.  You know how we get compensation pain with a sprained ankle injury because we alter our gait and walk with more weight on the other foot?  I think our muscles compensate to ease emotional trauma by burying the painful memory in the muscle instead of the mind.  For instance, if a child is physically abused and they do not have the emotional maturity to handle their anger, pain and fear, then the body might hold those emotions until the mind is better able to handle these complex feelings.  As was the case with my client.  Many years after the traumatic event occurred, as I was massaging her neck, the muscles remembered that trauma and my touch brought all those buried memories to the forefront.

When a massage therapist is faced with a client having an emotional release, the best thing to do is make the client feel safe and supported.  Let them know that it is okay to let go of the emotion.  Keep a grounding touch on your client and let them know you are listening to them--both in their body and their mind. 

Normal Massage Therapist

My back has been knotted and in spasms off an on for several weeks.  I had a few massages, did some yoga,  ate some muscle relaxers and anti-inflammatory meds, laid on a heating pad and stretched every chance I could but nothing was releasing my stubborn muscles.  Sooooo after suffering, not so silently,  I decided it was way past time for me to visit with my chiropractor and get an adjustment. 

I have seen this fellow for several years off an on and over time we have developed a very friendly rapport.  We refer clients to each other and we have seen each other socially so our professional relationship is only part of the relationship that we have with each other.  Naturally we chit chat during our sessions and our conversations are not always patient/clinician based.  So today was nothing out of our normal visit.  We were talking about the inner workings of alternative medical offices, how some chiropractors had in-house massage therapists, how some offices had on-call massage therapists, and various other random topics quasi-related to our fields.  The conversation was very laid back and  nothing we talked about required my utmost concentration.

Just before my adjustment ended, he said "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you are the most normal massage therapist I have ever known."  After I stopped belly laughing I said "And you are the second chiropractor to tell me that!".  

So in effort to fit in with the stereotypical massage gurus.....

Peace Out Man and don't bogart the brownies!

Sounds From the Massage Table

I was working on a lady with a particularly nasty case of plantar fasciitis.  For those of you that have never heard of this condition, it involves pain and inflammation in the connective tissue around the bottom of the foot.  This condition is not only painful when you try to walk on the affected areas, but it is equally painful when your are getting those tight places massaged.  My poor client was definitely not enjoying her massage and on more than one occasion she uttered a four-letter word as she grimaced and tried to breathe through her pain.  While I was working on one of the more tender points on her foot she said "If I cry out for help, will it help or hurt your business?".   We both got a good chuckle out of that.

Ponder This

Why is there a show called "When Animals Attack"?  It should be called "When Stupid People Get Too Close to Dangerous Animals".  Remember Steve Irwin?  I rest my case.

Quote of the Day

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."  -- Mark Twain

Massage Perks

As a massage therapist I have come to know several individuals that are connected with UK Athletics and I am lucky enough to score tickets to a  few home games each year.  My entire family bleeds blue so around basketball season I become very popular.  My relatives are always happy to take one of the tickets off my hands and they are willing to throw each other under the bus for said ticket.  The family has gotten to the point that they are on a rotation list for my extra tickets.  You know, trying to cut down on domestic violence and such.

So late one afternoon a client told me that he was not going to be able to use his tickets for the game that evening and asked me if I would like to use them.  I immediately said "YES!" and thanked him profusely.  As soon as he was out of my office I looked up the seat location online and found out they were floor level seats behind one of the baskets.  I was beyond bliss but I wanted to downplay the seats when I called my father to let him know it was his turn to be my guest to the game.  When I told him that I had an extra ticket and wanted to see if he would like to go to the game with me, he asked me where the seats were.  I cryptically told him that they were lower arena seats.  Typical of my dad, he asked if they were good seats.  Heaven forbid he would seem too excited about my offer.   I told him "Look, they are lower arena seats.  Are you seriously going to quibble with me over where they are when you are getting your ticket for free?".  And with that he chuckled and said he "reckoned" he would go with me.

We arrived at Rupp Arena and I guided him to our seats since I still had not shared their location with him.  When we sat down I waited for his reaction to our amazing seats.   Dad looked all around the arena and then he said "You tell that feller if you can't massage him, then I will for these seats."

Happy Father's Day

My father, although he supports my decision to be a massage therapist, has very mixed emotions about getting a massage from his daughter.  Papa Joe is 68 years old and in his lifetime he has allowed me to massage him 3 times.  Yes, I said THREE TIMES.  The first massage was after he crawled under the floorboards of one of his rental homes and "fixed" the plumbing.  The next time was after he had been in the hospital for several days and he was too weak to protest when I started rubbing his back.  The third time is my favorite massage story with Dad.

My father had been having neck and back pain for several weeks and the family had repeatedly tried to convince him to let me do a  massage, but the stubborn old mule (I say this with great affection) was resisting.  Every time we spoke on the phone Dad would casually mention that his back and shoulders were "bothering" him.  I would always tell him that I knew a good massage therapist who would probably give him a break on her fees and he would always say that he didn't want to put me out because he knew how busy I was.   This banter went back and forth for a couple of weeks until the day I decided I was going to show up on his doorstep and either by his agreement or by my forcing him, he was going to get a massage.

That afternoon my dad decided to let me work on him since I had went to all that trouble....driving 10 minutes down the road and carrying that heavy 8 oz bottle of massage oil into his house.  He protested a few times and accused me of putting him in a wrestler's hold, but for the most part it was just business as usual.  He thanked me for his massage and I went home feeling like I had helped him.

Two days after the massage I received a voice-mail from my father.  It went something along this line:

"Hellooooo (think Julia Child meets Minnie Pearl), it's your old Dad here.  I just wanted to call and tell you that my neck and shoulders feel so... much... better!  I haven't been doing anything different so it must be your massage that fixed me........Don't let that go to your head."

Dad and Nick 

How Often Should I Get Massage?

Quite frequently I am asked how often a person should get massage.  Depending on the circumstance my answer varies.  Are there health risks?  Injuries?  Chronic Pain?   Other factors besides the client's overall health must also be considered when attempting to intelligently answer this question.  Are there financial hardships?  Commuting considerations?  Scheduling conflicts with work or childcare?  Once I have all the facts then I can better answer this question.

If there is an injury that we are trying to repair, I might suggest my client come for massage twice weekly for a while and then taper down the treatments as we see notable improvement.  If the client presents with chronic pain issues, I tell the client that it took a long time for this pain to bring them to my office, so they should not expect overnight success. We might be able to reduce some pain after one session but it will take several massage sessions to return the body to the desired state.  If the client is seeing another health-care professional, I  will coordinate treatment plans and sometimes let the other party dictate frequency and the type massage the client should receive.

My new and improved extended answer is:  The client should evaluate their pain level after the massage and compare it to their pain prior to getting a massage.  I also ask the client to mentally measure how long their pain was diminished after their massage.  An hour?  Day?  Three days? Week? Longer?  Then I tell the client that if they notice their pain level has reached the point that it was before their last massage appointment, then it is probably time for them to schedule another massage. 

But how often should a person come if they are in good health?  My reply is generally that it is a good idea to get a massage at least once every three weeks, but if the client can afford to come more often, it will only benefit them to do so.  I also recommend the client book a 90-minute massage so I can address as much of the body as possible without rushing the treatment.  Plus I can spend a little extra time on the problem areas.

Pretty simple ideas but sometimes the easiest answers are overlooked.

Milkmaid

A new client was referred into me last week.  He was very friendly and had a terrific sense of humor so we did lots of chatting during his massage.  Near the end of his session he said "You  have really strong hands.....I bet you could really milk some cows!".

Such flattery!

Quote of the Day

Another day, another nickel.  Inflation even affects quotations. ~me

Interesting Statistic

As a long time insomniac I was very surprised to find out that my home city is ranked in the top 10 cities of those who suffer from insomnia or sleep disorders and use pain relievers to combat it.  This data was crunched by The Daily Beast and compiled initially by Experian Simmons.  I saw the report in Newsweek.

 1.  Charleston, W. Virginia
 2.  Mt. Vernon, Illinois
 3.  Dayton, Ohio
 4.  Springfield, Missouri
 5.  Lexington, Kentucky
 6.  Tri-Cities, Tennessee-Virginia
 7.  Evansville, Indiana
 8.  Roanoke, Virginia
 9.  Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
10.  Davenport, Iowa

Is it just me or does it look like Podunk America has the most insomniacs?  We must not be able to sleep due to sheer boredom because it certainly is not our thrilling nightlife.  Then again, perhaps all the late night party-goers in big cities do not consider it a problem to be up all night?

Kentucky, home of beautiful women and fast horses.  Maybe it should be Kentucky, proudly popping pain pills.

Pass the Salt Please

This weekend my mother came over for a cookout/visit and she shared a story with my husband that I thought others might enjoy. 

When I was growing up, my family was typically in church every time the doors were open. (I know you are asking yourself what happened, huh?)   My dad was on several church committees and both my parents sang in the choir.  So naturally if there was a social function or our church hosted guest speakers my folks often opened our home to visitors.

We sometimes hosted missionaries from foreign lands and it was always interesting to visit with these folks as they had some of the greatest stories.  One such missionary was invited into our home when I was a teenager.  Jack was just back from Vietnam and he shared wonderful tales of his mission tour.  Jack told us about how difficult it was to communicate with people that did not speak English very well.  In fact he told us about a meal that his host described the meat as "woof woof".  He was a terrific story teller and was quite likeable.

One evening while we were all sitting at the dinner table listening to Jack regale more of his adventures, my dog jumped up on our back porch and started barking for all he was worth.  My dog was a white mutt named Salt and obedience training was not his strong suit.  Our missionary friend was sitting at one end of our table with his back to the porch so he could not see the dog, and my father was sitting at the opposite end of the table so he could see Salt very well.....if he looked over our guest's shoulder.   My father, in effort to quiet the dog so that we might enjoy our friend's story,  yelled "SALT!".  Since it was very common for my dad to yell at the dog, my family did not react to Dad's outburst. Salt shut up barking for a moment but did not leave the stoop.  After a few seconds passed Salt started barking again.  My father glared in the general direction of the dog and by proximity--our guest, and yelled in a sterner voice "SALT!"  At this point our missionary friend jumped from his chair, grabbed the salt shaker and ran to place it in my father's hand.

And he thought there was a miscommunication with his Vietnamese host.

Another Vacation Massage

Last year we took our first cruise and for one of our shore excursions we decided to rent a scooter for the day so we might take in all the tropical splendor.  After tipping our rental clerk in "American US dollars" (American Express checks were not welcome and of course this was mostly what I had to spend) we were advised of a secluded beach that offered massages by the surf.   The temperature was nearly 100 degrees Fahrenheit and I didn't feel safe enough to drive my own scooter so I rode behind Hubby, thus adding a little more heat to our already balmy trip.  We donned our dorky helmets and were on our way.

The ride out was a wee bit scary for me as there was nothing to see but very tall, bushy foliage and poorly paved roadways.  I was just sure that Mexican Banditos were lurking behind the greenery just waiting to rob the stupid Yankee tourists.  When I expressed my concerns to my husband he rolled his eyes and kept on truckin' at the sensational speed of 15 mph.  After about 30 minutes we arrived at our destination......a very poorly constructed shack that would make the huts on Gilligan's Island  look like decadent grandeur.  The lower level of this shack was a bar and the upper level was reserved for massages.  If you have seen a commercial for Corona beer, this was one of the locations that was featured in their advertisements, so we felt it would have been down right poor manners if we didn't have a Corona or two while we were there.  You know 'when in Rome' and all.....

Our masseur and his wife brought over a catalog to show us their massage services and suggested prices.  After a wee bit of haggling we agreed to 2 90-minute massages for $160 American US dollars.  When we got to the massage room there was a rope tied to two posts and a gauzy cloth draped over the rope to separate the massage "treatment rooms".  Manuel asked me what type of massage I wanted and after a not so English friendly conversation he left the room to let me get on the massage table.  Next door Hubby had a similar conversation with Manuel's wife before he got on his massage table.

Our drapes were beach towels which we strategically placed over our posteriors.  When Manuel approached me he politely removed my towel, folded it into a triangle and shoved it between my legs, thus giving me the appearance of the plumber butt crack.  Now modesty is not really an issue for me since I basically had to get undressed in front of 15 other people almost daily when I was in massage school.  So the towel was not really an issue.  But the third swipe down my back when Manuel spread my butt cheeks was a bit awkward, but still not too alarming since my husband was a mere 6 feet away.  I figured if things got out of hand a big naked man would come dashing thru the curtain to my rescue and in truth I was not getting the freaky perverted vibe from Manuel, so I concentrated on the surf and the massage continued.

Halfway through my massage Manny (I figured we were close enough now to use nicknames) indicated that he wanted me to turn over.  I assumed that he would use the beach towel to shield my lady bits when I was turning over.  Not!  Manny yanked that towel off as if he was a bullfighter and the towel was his cape!   OLE!  There was not one inch of me that was covered.  Thankfully he re-draped the towel over me quickly and went about his work.  Back home there are rules about massaging breast tissue.....not sure about Mexico but Manny worked my girls over.  Again, I must say that I did not get the freak vibe and he only touched around the breast edges so I allowed the work.  The rest of my massage was uneventful other than the one sweep that his pinkie finger ventured in the crease of my thigh and my naughty bits.

While I lay there tyring to enjoy this very different massage, I began to wonder how someone more modest than me--say like my mother--would have reacted to this kind of massage.  I am fairly sure that my mom would have been mortified and scarred for life.  How many other women would have been offended by the draping and breast massage?  Then I wondered how many women would not have even blinked while getting this type of massage.  Was I somewhere in the middle?  Kind of okay with most of the massage and kind of uneasy by some of the techniques that are normally taboo back home.  In all fairness I had to admit that even though it was outside my box, it really was a good massage.  No harm. No foul?  When in Rome?  What happens in Cozumel, stays in Cozumel? 

After we paid for our massages we were talking to Mrs. Manuel and asked her how long it took to become a massage therapist in Mexico.  Her answer was "Oh a reeeeeeally looooong time.  Every day.  Two weeks."   Maybe if their training lasted a bit longer they could include proper draping techniques.....

June Brides

When you have almost 7,000 rings already, what's one more?

Deemed as the "world's most pierced woman," Elaine Davidson married Douglas Watson, a conservatively-dressed, piercing-free civil servant, at a low-key wedding ceremony in Scotland, the Telegraph is reporting. The Brazilian-born Davidson, 46, opted for a flowing white dress and floral tiara, but offset the traditional look by painting her face -- already studded with 192 piercings -- green, blue and yellow.

Sorry, but I am pretty sure Elaine Davidson proves not all brides are beautiful.


But, on the other hand my new daughter-in-law is gorgeous!

Babies Come From Where?

This week I did a prenatal massage and the mommy-to-be was happy to chat about her current pregnancy,   as well as her one other previous pregnancy and delivery.  I shared some details of my own pregnancies as well.  After the massage was completed I thought back to the day that my boys asked about where babies came from.  Of course it was only natural that this conversation took place at the dinner table....I mean don't most people talk about this stuff when they are eating?

The conversation was started by my 8 year old son with my 5 year old chiming in from time to time.  The mother of one of their friends was expecting and the boys had been discussing this oddity in length.  Teebie (really Stevie but he could not pronounce words that started with "S" so he was forever known as Teebie) had told my oldest son that when it was time for the baby to be born, it would come out of his mother's "butt".  Now my son was not buying that so he decided to ask me about it at dinner that night.

Son 1:  "Babies don't really come out of their mommy's butts do they?  They are in their mommy's stomach so I think there must be a way they come out there, right?"

Me:   "Ummm, well not exactly.  It is more like the babies come out of where mommies pee pee from.  But sometimes babies do come out of the tummy by a c-section.  This is when a doctor cuts open the mommy's belly and gets the baby out, then he sews the mommy back up."

Both boys are staring at me with wrinkled brows and puzzled expressions.

Son 1:  "How do those babies get in their mommy's belly anyway?"

Me:  "Ummm, well......(Thank you Rob Roy) They get out by the same road they get in.  They are put there with love."   ~HOLDS BREATH AND HOPES THAT MY ANSWER IS ACCEPTED WITHOUT ANYMORE QUESTIONS~ But no....

Son 1:  "But how do they get out?"

As luck would have it we were eating hot dogs for supper. Get your minds out of the gutter!  I picked up a saucer and the top to the ketchup bottle as I knew this discussion was going to need props for the full effect.

Me:  (holding up the top for the ketchup) "You see this?  The hole that babies come out of is this big most of the time.  (holding up the saucer)  You see this?  The hole has to stretch to this size so the baby can get out."

Son 2:  (with enormous eyes)  "THANK GOD WE'RE MEN!"

Yep, he got it!

Different Kind of D Day

A friend of mine who is on vacation took this photo and posted it on facebook.  I am thinking D DAY might stand for DIVORCE in this instance.

Bigfoot Sighting at the Mall

Sometimes when I am in need of downtime, I like to get a good pedicure.  This has always been one of my girlie pleasures and I usually go to the nail salon alone, but recently my husband was stressing and needed some affection/attention, so I decided to treat him to his first pedicure.   I figured pedicures were always good for relieving some of my tension so it just might do the trick for him too.....plus it was a good excuse for me to get some pampering while looking like a super swell wife.

Let me preface the rest of this story with some imagery.  I have teeny tiny little feet and tiny little toes.  My feet are so small, I can actually wear a size 4 in girls shoes.  My husband is the polar opposite of me.  He wears a size 15 shoe.  He has toes long enough to wrap around a tree limb and hang like a monkey.  If he ever fell overboard he would be able to swim quite handily--built in flippers you see.  If he wasn't fairly tall, he could have played a hobbit without having to use artificial feet. His feet need their own zip code.  Bigfoot would lose his title if they ever met up.  I could go on but suffice it to say they are HUGE!

Amidst a cacophony of shing ting bao duck dong'ing and sounds remarkably like silverware and pots and pans bouncing on tile floors, we were seated in chairs beside one another and two Vietnamese ladies walked over to begin our toe extravaganza.  When Hubby placed his feet up on the base of the pedi-chair, both women started speaking their native tongue very loudly and shaking their heads.  Hubby looked at me and asked what they were saying.....like I spoke fluent Vietnamese.  Now, I am not a betting woman but I would wager it was something akin to "Those are the biggest effin' feet I ever did see.  You think we need to order more lotion to cover this much territory?  We should charge double for this!"

As you can imagine, what the pedicure lacked in relaxation, it certainly made up for in entertainment.  All during the treatment the women kept laughing, speaking Vietnamese and rolling their eyes.  The only English spoken was when my lady asked if we wanted Deluxe Pedicures and when Hubby repeatedly asked them what was so funny.  When  Hubby's woman pulled out something that resembled a very large cheese grater and began rubbing it over the rough patches on his soles I chuckled quietly.  When she began sighing and wiping her brow I couldn't help cracking up laughing.  Needless to say Hubby's lady skipped a few steps in his pedicure that my lady had time to perform for me.  When he grumbled about it to me I told him "Time management Dude.  Too much foot, so sowwy fo ju."

We tipped both ladies very well and we thanked them for tackling the big job.  As we were leaving I couldn't resist telling them that we would be back and would definitely ask for them.

Quote of the Day

For all of the small-minded people who talk about me and think their opinions matter to me... it's alright... I just sit back, smile and think to myself...damn, I've got myself a fanclub.

Body Art

My husband and I believe that massage is an artistic endeavor and we see each body as a blank canvas that is in need of our attention.  A massage therapist's style is what makes their massages unique and memorable.

"A massage therapist that does not have flair is akin to an artist only doing paint by numbers and thinking they are creating a masterpiece."~Me

Quote of the Day

What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose. ~ Margaret Thatcher