Heard This Week on the Massage Table

Last week I massaged a Labradoodle's hips while visiting my friend.  When I felt the muscles shift and relax the dog's pelvis he started bouncing up and down and licked my hands.  I was telling a human client about this and she said "I am NOT licking your face when we are done".

Bumped into a client at the grocery and she said "Oh my goodness look at your freckles!  I usually only see you in the dark so I never noticed."

Was doing intake questions with a client and asked if he thought his low back pain could be due to over-swinging when he played golf a few days prior.  Grinning at me over his glasses he says, "Personally speaking, if I don't just about sh*t myself.....I think I am probably doing it wrong."

When a client and I were sharing funny stories we had heard that week, this one made me belly laugh.  A lady at her gym was going into great detail about how bad her dog had been behaving of
late.  She had been on a business trip and had hired someone to look after him for several days.  Upon her return she was told that her pooch had eaten a pair of her underwear that he got out of the hamper and had to visit the vet.  The vet asked if she wanted the panties back.

As I was massaging a 10 year old girl’s scalp, she said “I’m going to close my eyes but I’m not going to go to sleep.” She closed her eyes and started snoring immediately.

Quote of the Day

"The truth carries a weight that no lie can counterfeit." ~Black Jack Randall, Outlander Series

WWRDJD

I  returned to the vet's office to pick up my cat, Oni from being spayed and this happened:

Vet Tech:  "So Oni has stitches in her belly and you should try to limit her jumping so she doesn't accidentally open anything up.  So if there are places that she likes to jump on, or perch, you should probably shut those areas off."

Me:  (Thinks:  Open concept floor plan.  How do you shut that off? Envisions Oni flying across the living room in slow motion like the replay of your favorite GoT character dying in every conceivable direction and angle.  Oral syringes?  For Three days?  Then I remembered the wise words of Robert Downey Jr. and smiled.)

 Me:  "Sure.  Absolutely."

Pains Me So

How is a skinned knee like an heated argument?  I hope to answer this burning question.

By adulthood most of us have encountered enough skinned knees that we typically know how to successfully treat this wound with a certain degree of skills and knowledge.   We know there will be an injury site and there will be varying degrees of pain and healing, and then in most cases the knee will be returned to its healthy status.

So what happens when I get a skinned up knee?  Well, according to the pain cycle illustration above:

Ouch! Possibly a swear word.  Pain.  Gingerly standing up and gradually putting weight back on the injured side of your body. Guarding.  The area around your knee begins to swell and ache.  Over the next few hours your knee doesn't bend as much as it normally does.  You mentally berate yourself for the poor choice in footwear.....

Most of the time this injury is very minor and very little wound care is needed, but at times you might be required to debride the injury site to help promote healing and keep out infections.  This calls for re-opening the wound, peeling off some of the dead tissue, and putting antiseptic on it--which can be a bit ouchy too FYI.  But all in all, it is assumed most folks will survive this injury without any significant scarring or irreparable damage.


But what if we do not treat that knee properly?  Pain.  Guarding, in this hypothetical case, amounts to a gait change to take weight off the injured knee.  Swelling. Joint restriction.... 
(See the pain cycle illustration above)
If the wound is not properly cleaned and dressed we could potentially have infection and toxicity.
(See the pain cycle illustration above)
Instead of  overcoming this injury, the body is put into a pain cycle and cannot get healthy.  It will spread to other parts of the body by means of compensation, referred pain, lack of mobility, depression, anger, vulnerability.
(See the pain cycle illustration above)

.....Sensing a pattern?

So what happens when our pain is in the form of emotional trauma?

Ouch! Like the knee, our psyche (human mind, soul or spirit) also reacts to painful sensations.  The knee will eventually scab over and the mind will compartmentalize the pain. (A great example of a mind body connection.)  But let's explore emotional pain without a physical mechanism of injury.  What if our pain was due to a disagreement?  Are we as adequately equipped to handle this type of pain?   And if we are, are we really willing to do what is necessary to heal properly?

In the second illustration we can see that PAIN is in the center of this emotional pain cycle.  In my comparison, let's say our parties disagree and the exchange becomes heated.  The initial reaction might be stressful and with that comes tense muscles.  Hurt, frustration, regret, anger or fear could also play parts.  From here the emotional pain might be ignored or buried in hopes of finding a peaceful resolution.  We might mentally replay the disagreement many times to hopefully find clarity or understanding and as we mentally relive the moment, our bodies relive the tension and physical stress we felt during the actual encounter.  Luckily most people are eventually able to look at things rationally and are able to find a mature way of resolving conflict without too much stress or pain.

But what happens when we are unable to handle emotional pain?

Let's revisit that skinned knee.  Sometimes we can find a tolerable level of pain and stick a bandage on it and go.  Then sometimes we see that damn scab and cannot help ourselves--WE MUST PICK THAT SCAB!  We know that it will probably sting, but our OCD tendencies make it impossible to ignore that sore spot.  Other days we might accidentally re-open the wound by barking our shinbone on the coffee table. All of these actions can bring back that dull ache and pain.

Emotional scars are quite similar.  Some days we can look at our lives and understand how we got to this reality.  Other days a song on the radio will send us to places we would rather not be thinking about.  We become guarded.  We vow to never open ourselves up to being vulnerable or hurt again.  Soon we are really examining and re-examining our decisions and feeling the hurt again, the painful memories flow, the anger returns, sadness for our losses, stress becomes physical pain....
(See the FIRST pain cycle illustration above)

Quote of the Day

Pause-ability:  When you are able to stop, breathe, and see all the beautiful possibilities of the moment.   ~ K. Blackwell

Politics and Dating

I recently joined an online dating site and given that I am 53 years old, mostly content in my quiet, peaceful existence and have no desire to change my ways anytime soon, I stated that if you supported Trump then you should probably pass me by.  Simple enough.  But was it?

I started my account roughly two months ago and since then I have received unsolicited messages from SIX different men who felt the need to tell me how ignorant I was because I did not vote for Donald Trump. I did not try to insult them for their ideas about politics, so why did they feel it was okay for them to insult me for not supporting their candidate?  The best guess I have is that by rejecting Trump I somehow ultimately rejected them as well.  I can usually ignore idiots on the internet and did with most of the ugly six, but two had to take their insults to a different level and I decided to show them a wee bit of my wicked side too. 

Now, with that said, I will also tell you that I was not a huge Clinton fan either.  But when I am presented with a highly qualified person and a TV personality with zero qualifications....I vote for the lesser of two evils.  Trump has been a blowhard, morally bankrupt, womanizer with very questionable business ethics for years.  His Twitter fixation, rudeness, constant river of lies...so many things...   I just cannot listen to people making excuses for his actions anymore.  By getting Trump out of the way in advance, I hoped to eliminate a potential obstacle from any connections or relationship possibilities. So not simple enough.

Then came the men who wanted to know if I would really let politics stand in the way of finding true love.  I added the emphasis on "really" as that was how I heard it....hard to know in written form if that was how they meant it or not....   But still, as polite as these fellows were, they were ultimately implying or occasionally outright stating that I was not smart about my political views, and subsequently my love-life was eternally damned.  My answer to them was always polite but with the same sentiment:   When I was asked to describe what I was looking for in a man, I asked for qualities that I envisioned my ideal man would possess and I know that my ideal man could never support Trump.  Most of these messages were polite exchanges.

So this brings me to today.  I received a message from a nice fellow from the latter group of men.  He told me about how his sister voted for Clinton and her husband voted for Trump, politics did not have to come between folks....yadda yadda....abortion bad, guns good, thinks flag burning should be against the law and such.  These millennials.....first time he can ever remember people not dating because they disagree on politics.  So today I had to go really simple.

Oddly enough, about a month ago I saw a piece on political affiliations and online dating sites.  Polled three different dating sites and found that many people have actually decided that they didn't want to date across party lines.  The reason I said what I did about Trump is because I find him a disgusting human being and a certain element that supports him are equally disgusting.....six men have sent me messages insulting me because of my Trump comment.  I am not a straight party voter, but here is what I believe in:  less government, abortion is a woman's choice, marijuana should be legal, churches should pay taxes, healthcare should be reformed, and racists are pigs.  And people who believe "America is the greatest country in the world" have never traveled to other countries.  But millennials are too concerned with kneeling NFL players......Best of luck in your search!

From my Backyard....

A friend told me that these odd lilies are called Magic Lilies.  I had called them Disappearing Lilies, which is cool enough in itself, but MAGIC lilies sounds even more awesome.  So please enjoy my Magic Lilies.

Empath For the Win

I am an empath.  Some of you might wonder what that means exactly.  It can mean several things, but for me,  it mostly means that I have heightened sensitivities to other people's emotions and physical symptoms.  Like some other empaths, I  occasionally take on some of these negative feelings and maladies, whether it is intentional or not.  I  am also keenly intuitive and listen to my gut feelings a lot. (Now whether I act appropriately or inappropriately is another story.)  So today while I was sitting with myself in quiet contemplation I thought about my "gift" and wished that all politicians could have my empathic gift for just one day.

The obvious comical first choice would be for President Trump to get a taste of what it is like to be a tired and over-worked, over-taxed,  middle-aged woman who is slightly overweight and menopausal.  But in all seriousness, if politicians could feel what the people on the receiving end of their political decisions feel, maybe it wouldn't be so easy to make some of these bonehead proposals.  Let's take a look at some of the traits attributed to empaths in a piece I found on PsychologyToday.com (For the complete list see the article  "10 Traits of Empathic People") and see if you agree that my wish should be fulfilled.


Empaths are highly sensitive.
Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually open, and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it. Through thick and thin, these world-class nurturers will be there for you. But they can easily have their feelings hurt, too: Empaths are often told that they are “too sensitive” and need to "toughen up."

Our empathic politicians would hear all Americans, not just the folks who voted for them or made big donations to their campaigns.  The right-winger would feel how the gay couple feels when the law does not accept their marriage as legal.  The liberal would see how welfare is being abused by some folks.  Walk a mile in the other guy's shoes before you judge.



Empaths absorb other people’s emotions.
Empaths are highly attuned to other people’s moods, good and bad. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme. They take on negativity such as anger or anxiety, which can be exhausting for them. If they are around peace and love, though, their bodies take these on and flourish.

During the election I found that I had to limit myself to essential politics.  I watched the debates and I read the rest of my news to distance myself from all the negativity.  It was during this time that I found a great appreciation for HGTV.  I heard that they did not allow political ads and who doesn't love Fixer Upper?  Gerry Smith penned an article about HGTV ad costs and found that their fees were almost twice what other cable channels charged and their average viewer was a college-educated, suburban woman with a household income of $83,600 annually, with an interest in home improvement.  So apparently no ads were wasted on my demographic!

What if our empath politicians could feel all that negativity directed at them?  Feel anxiety like the elderly person on a pension feels when they realize they cannot afford their medications.   Feel the revulsion and pain a rape victim feels when they hear their leader say he just grabs pussy.  See how angry the middle class folks feel when they hear more taxes for them while the wealthy get more breaks?  Feel the hunger of a child who depended on assistance for their meals.  The positive on this would be that they could feel all that love and admiration when they did something great for the country.



Empaths are targets for energy vampires.
An empath’s sensitivity makes them particularly easy marks for energy vampires, whose fear or rage can sap their energy and peace of mind. These vampires may do more than drain an empath’s physical energy. Especially dangerous ones such as narcissists (who lack empathy and are only concerned with themselves) can make empaths believe they’re unworthy and unlovable.

Our empath politicians would feel how worn out this country is and know how many people feel that their government does not care about them.  Equally draining would be feeling their voter's fear of change amidst hopeful support--the feeling of being pulled apart from multiple directions.


Being an empath is viewed as both a curse and a blessing.  You feel the awesome highs and the disturbing lows.

....I figure 24 hours of it should be enough to scare the shit out of them.

"Too Much" Woman

I cannot tell you how much this resonates with me. 
 

 

"Too Much" Woman

There she is. . . the “too much” woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much.
There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes.

There she is causing a ruckus with her persistent wanting, too much wanting. She desires a lot, wants everything—too much happiness, too much alone time, too much pleasure. She’ll go through brimstone, murky river, and hellfire to get it. She’ll risk all to quell the longings of her heart and body. This makes her dangerous.
She is dangerous.
And there she goes, that “too much” woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much. She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she’s hot shit.
Oh, that “too much” woman. . . too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy—too much.
She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches. Someone should put her back in a more respectable place. Someone should tell her.
Here I am. . . the Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions.
A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot—justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept.
I’ve been called high maintenance because I want what I want, and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I’ve been called selfish because I am self-loving. I’ve been called a witch because I know how to heal myself.
And still. . . I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space.
I must.
Us Too Much Women have been facing extermination for centuries—we are so afraid of her, terrified of her big presence, of the way she commands respect and wields the truth of her feelings. We’ve been trying to stifle the Too Much Woman for ions—in our sisters, in our wives, in our daughters. And even now, even today, we shame the Too Much Woman for her bigness, for her wanting, for her passionate nature.
And still. . . she thrives.
In my own world and before my very eyes, I am witnessing the reclamation and rising up of the Too Much Woman. That Too Much Woman is also known to some as Wild Woman or the Divine Feminine. In any case, she is me, she is you, and she is loving that she’s finally, finally getting some airtime.
If you’ve ever been called “too much,” or “overly emotional,” or “bitchy,” or “stuck up,” you are likely a Too Much Woman.
And if you are. . . I implore you to embrace all that you are—all of your depth, all of your vastness; to not hold yourself in, and to never abandon yourself, your bigness, your radiance.
Forget everything you’ve heard—your too much-ness is a gift; oh yes, one that can heal, incite, liberate, and cut straight to the heart of things.
Do not be afraid of this gift, and let no one shy you away from it. Your too much-ness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world.
Don’t believe me? Check this: All of your favorite women, the ones who’ve made history, the ones who’ve lent their voices for change and have courageously given themselves permission to be exactly who they are. Some examples: Oprah, Ronda Rousey, Beyoncé, Kali, Misty Copeland, Janet Mock, Mary Magdalene . . . they’re all Too Much Women.
So please, Too Much Woman: Ask. Seek. Desire. Expand. Move. Feel.Be.
Make your waves, fan your flames, give us chills.
Please, rise.
We need you.
Author: Ev’Yan Whitney

Good Advice

Magical

Heard This Week on the Massage Table

This week my first client was a lovely middle school aged girl.  When I started my music it was still on a Christmas station so I apologized and quickly changed the station to my massage music.  The young lady said "There's nothing better than Christmas music....there are no sad songs."  Out of the mouths of babes.

Politics came up and yielded some great descriptions of a couple of the candidates.  Donald Trump was described as "a 15 year old bully at prep school that never grew out of that state" and Bernie Sanders was compared to "your dad....but like 2 years past when he is really your dad".  Both comments made me chuckle while agreeing with their assessments.

Naturally Star Wars was a hot topic as well.   If you do not want to know anything about the movie you should quit reading now.  SPOILER ALERT.  Is Rey a twin to Poe, to Ben?  Could she be the  daughter of Han and Leia?  Luke? Is she Anakin reincarnated?  Is Ben really evil or is he undercover to destroy the dark side?  Why George Lucas?  Whyyyyyyyyyy?  Han Solo was my first crush! So what if Harrison Ford is the same age as my dad!  I LOVED HIM!  Still pissed.

And my personal favorite.  My client's comment to me admitting I was shocked that I did not lose any clients when we moved our clinic:  "You say that like you're surprised.  You're f@cking awesome!  I would drive to Cynthiana for a massage from you."

Happy Halloween!

My pumpkins and the bookcase behind my desk were the extent of my decorations.  Super Moon from my backyard.  Not so scary black cat aka Oni.  And on my first visit to Raven Run, two zombies  wandered out of the woods behind a bride covered in blood--they were doing a magazine shoot for Halloween.

My Funny Papa

Last weekend I invited my father to come hiking with me at Raven Run.  When we arrived at the Overlook and were looking at the river, Dad asked me if I knew about the time he took my mother swimming in the river.  I told him I did remember that story and the two of us had a good chuckle.  Naturally my husband wanted to know what had us both so tickled so I told him the river story.

Now, for those of you who might not know Papa Joe.....he is a dedicated Bible thumper from way back. If the church doors were open--we were there. Everyone in my family was involved with some church activity, be it choir, puppet team, deacon, pianist, drummer, etc   So you can imagine how many friends were made over the years.  And
some friends were more special.  The Miller Family was very special to our family.  Not only was our pastor and his wife close to the same age as my parents, their three sons were also about the same age as my sister and me.  We spent a lot of free time with the Millers and it was at their home when this story was first told.

Papa Joe was telling Brother Miller and his wife about what happened when he took my mother swimming earlier that week.  There was a relatively safe beachy area near our home and on rare occasions we would swim there.  Mom and Dad were there adventuring alone this time.  Dad said that he and my mother were floating on rafts when they saw three strangers approaching the beach.  It was two men holding hands with the woman walking between them......and she was topless.  He said that he and my mom quickly gathered their things and left for home.

After hearing all this and having a good laugh, Brother Miller jokingly reassured my dad that he had not committed a sin by looking once, it was only a sin if you looked back a second time.  Papa Joe says "Yessir, I know that.  That's why I took One Looooooooooong Look."

Brilliant loophole?

Shaved or Unshaven

It's that time of year again......when all my ladies apologize for their unshaven legs.  I wish I had a dollar for every time I have heard a version of  "I'm sorry.  I didn't shave my legs."  Do I care whether my clients shave or not?  Not in the least.

Since most of the unshaven moments happen when the weather is cooler outside and I live in the horse capitol of the world, I like to think of the unshaven legs as something akin to a horse's winter coat growing in.  And like the winter coat, growing hair out is a completely normal thing to do--no matter what season it is.  In fact, in many civilized places around the world it is just as acceptable for women to grow out their armpit and leg hair as it is commonplace to shave in the USA. 

I recently read a study in Psychology of Women Quarterly that explored the taboo of women  not shaving their body hair.  The women were asked to answer questions about body hair and after the initial survey they were asked to go 10 weeks without shaving.   At the end of the 10 weeks the women were asked the same questions again.  The results were:

*Many women reflected on how, although they initially framed body hair as a (sometimes insignificant or casual) personal choice prior to doing the assignment, they changed their views once they grew their body hair. Four themes (sometimes overlapping) appeared in women’s discussions: (a) new perspectives on the social meanings of body hair, (b) encounters with homophobia and heterosexism, (c) anger from family members and partners about growing body hair, and (d) internalized feelings of being “disgusting” and “dirty.” 

It was an interesting read, but it only gave the female point of view.  Men shave/wax parts too!

Soooooo for the last time (not), massage therapists are taught to practice unconditional positive regard. What exactly does that hippie speech mean?  It means we consider every body on our massage table in the same way--with respect.  We focus on what the client needs and we do not care whether you are shaved/waxed or wooly. 

Heard This Week on the Massage Table

Client:  "You know how old Obama looks now as compared to when he was first in office?"
Me:  "Yes!  All the presidents look so old by the end of their terms."
Client:  "And George W looked so old too!" 
Me:  "You're right.  And now that he is retired and painting...look how happy and relaxed."
Client:  "Well, if for no other reason.....you see how old and how bad Obama and Bush look, so do     you really want to see Hillary Clinton get in and watch her get older?"


Me:  "That is some kinda knot you have here."
Client:  "That's my effin mattress." And as an afterthought "Oh! Pardon Me for saying effin!"


Client:  "Damn."
Me:  "Is something wrong?"
Client:  (Laughing) "I am cursing myself for only taking the 60-minute massage when I could have done 90!"


Me:  "I was asked what my worst massage experience was."
Client:  "Oooo that sounds good!    ....unless I am the worst?"

Some Random Beauty

Intake Call From Hell

When you are your own receptionist, like a lot of self-employed massage therapists are, you get a lot of phone calls.  Some of them are asking for basic information about massage, some requesting prices and hours of operation, some trying to sell us something, and then.... there are calls like this one.

I answered the phone by announcing my business name, then I gave my name and asked the caller what I could help her with.  In a very upbeat manner my caller started telling me all about herself.  During the next SEVENTEEN frickin' minutes I found out that she was 60 years old, that her father was deceased and his passing marked the first time she had a colonoscopy.  She told me her mother was 92 and bitter--but in otherwise good health.  She told me all about how she watched her father take such abuse from "the church and its so called Christians" where he was the minister FOR YEARS.  (The last two words of her sentence were over-emphasized for the high drama factor.)  She told me she was "thinkin' on going to the Healing Arts 'cause she is interested in trainin'.  She then segued into telling me about her car wreck and stated that she had not driven since her accident and that was THREE YEARS AGO!  (She yelled this with such vigor and pride.) And then the conversation turned to her reading aloud an article about lymphatic drainage....which she stumbled over, mispronouncing most of the content.  The caller then asked me to explain what lymphatic drainage was.  Soooooo after my mini lecture on what LYM-PHA-TIC DRAIN-AGE (I yelled this at her phonetically) actually was, she says "You don't really use something to drain that out of a body, do you?"  It was at this point I was truly irked enough to interrupt her.  I said "You know, I hate to interrupt you but you still have not told me why you called me today and I have clients to see, so tell me why you called."  There was a lengthy pregnant pause and then in a less than enthusiastic tone she said "I guess how much do you charge for a massage?"  So I tell her the rate for a 60-minute massage as I knew if she booked an appointment with me that I could suffer through an hour with her --but not one stinking second longer.  The phone line disconnected.  So after listening (mostly) patiently for 17 minutes the only thing I did not find out was the real reason she called me.

The lesson from this story is to take control of the conversation or suffer the consequences.

Snow Day in Kentucky

Simple Reminder