TV and Massage

So I was doing an out-call and my client wanted to watch TV while I was massaging him.  Like all good men, he was masterful with the remote control.  My client first stopped on The Travel Channel which is a relatively safe choice.......usually.  But as luck would have it, the sites that the show was focusing on was for the best fertility rites.  That's right, people make voyages all over the world to get "help" with conception.  Sooooo, you wanna talk about some interesting art?  Every time I glanced at the television screen there was a 6 foot tall sculpture of a phallus, complete with the dangling bits, or some large breasted and round-bellied woman chiseled out of a boulder.  Several people were rubbing these sculptures in hopes that they would get pregnant.  I am pretty sure my cheeks were red a few times but I just kept rubbing and trying to stifle my laughter.

The next television selection was The Animal Planet.  Another fairly safe choice......usually.  But this particular episode focused on animal mating rituals.  I got to see monkey love, a snake ball aka orgy, and turtles doing it as only turtles can.  I saw a polar bear's girlie bits and  I saw a male elephant shoot a load of semen that could easily have turned a blue SUV into a white one.   Suffice it to say that I was more than enlightened by the end of that show.

Now I am no prude and at no time did I feel like my client was trying to be inappropriate, but I can honestly say this was one of the more colorful and hilariously uncomfortable massage sessions I have ever been part of.

Budget This

DEAR CONGRESS, Last year I mismanaged my funds, and this year my family and I cannot decide on a budget. Until we can come to a unified decision that fits all of our needs and interests, we will have to shut down our check book and will no longer be able to pay our taxes. I'm sure you'll understand. Thank you very much for setting an example we can all follow.

Wax On

So I was working on my gal pal who is a licensed esthetician, hairdresser, cosmetologist and massage therapist--Jane of all trades-- and I was asking if there were peak seasons and/or lulls in her line of work and if her fees were competitive with other salons.  Naturally waxing is busier in warmer seasons so she was gracious enough to share her insider tips with me.  

Being me, you knew I was going to ask about the Brazilian.  For those of you unaware of what this wax treatment does, it leaves your nether regions completely bald and silky smooth like a newborn babe.  And no, I have not had enough courage to try this.  Something about the whole hot wax being slathered on the hooha and then having all the hair yanked out by the roots is not the least bit appealing to me.  But apparently this is a very popular request and not just from ladies.  So of course I asked her how she handled Brazilian's for men.  She said "I charge $200".  Since the price for women was only $50 I asked why she charged so much more for the dude.   Her reply was priceless.  "To deter it" she said with the straightest face. 

LOVE IT!

Sammy Catapari

No, this is not National Geographic Life on the Serengeti.....

Sammy is making mental notes on migration patterns, testing the fence integrity, and dreaming of drumsticks.

Garden 2

Since our sunflowers have grown to 6-14 feet tall we have become a favorite hangout place for birds and bees.  We are also flush with squash, tomatoes and fresh eggs!

Massage Gender Bias

Both men and women choose massage therapy for careers, but one has a much easier time getting clients.  Yep, this is one field in which women actually have an easier time achieving success.  Why?  It is certainly not that women have superior massage skills and men fall short, nor is it that women work twice as hard--in fact it is the exact opposite.  Both male and female therapists face obstacles, but the vast majority that men face are  more preconceived notions or client comfort levels and these obstacles are not easily overcome.

Lots of people have body images issues and getting naked or disrobing down to the tightie whities can be very uncomfortable for some folks.  While men are concerned with their physiques, women seemingly put more emphasis on their looks so undressing in the presence of a man puts additional pressure on them.  That little pooch that we get after childbirth, the extra 15 pounds we just cannot seem to drop, things that used to set up higher and now sag lower, cellulite dimples....in our minds these are attributes that we would prefer the opposite sex not get to see up close and personal.  So male therapists will invariably lose female clients due to their modesty and body image concerns.

Male therapists are generally stronger than females so this also causes them to lose clients.  Many clients think that a male therapist will hurt them with all the Herculean strength they are packing.  Never mind that therapists are trained to gauge their pressure and check in with the client to make sure they are not in pain. "They have big muscles ergo they might hurt me" is the mindset.  I have seen a female therapist leave bruises on clients and I have received massages from males that felt like they were just petting me.  The truth is that both men and women are capable of hurting clients, but male therapists seem to get more bad press and business will be lost simply because they are male.

Another reason male therapists struggle in building a client base is that men generally prefer a female therapist--they are battling their own sex!  Men tell me that they prefer a softer touch and they are not really comfortable having another man rub them.  I have heard horror stories from men that braved it and had a male therapist.....arm hair that felt like steel wool, booking appointments with Goldie and Angel only to find out that they were guys, junk bumping their heads, etc.  The fellas all tell me that they are not homophobic but they just are not as comfortable with a male therapist and if you are looking for relaxation you should go with what relaxes you.


Personally I prefer a male therapist for a couple of reasons.  One being that they are able to give me deep pressure if I need it, and secondly they have bigger hands and some massage strokes feel better when they are broader sweeps.  My body image concerns do not matter in my massage as I know that massage therapists are taught to have unconditional positive regard.  What does this mean?  It means that we look at bodies without judgment and hold you in a positive light.  Male or female, it means we see YOU.

So why not live on the edge and  in the words of one of my clients "see the dude".

The Sound of Massage Music

Have you ever noticed the music that is playing in massage clinics?  Chances are that you, the massage client, are not focused on the background music and that is precisely the desired effect that this music is supposed to have.  Music selections vary from therapist to therapist and range from solo piano to Tibetan singing bowls, but for the most part therapists try to play soothing music to add another layer to the client's relaxation.  I know some people think our music selections are not that important in the grand scheme of things, but I disagree and will tell you why.

Say for instance that you love classic rock (like I do).  99% of the time this is what you listen to when you are driving, working out, or soaking up the sun out by the pool.  Do you sometimes sing along with Mr. Mo Jo Risson?  Do you nod your head to the beat?  Tap your hands on the steering wheel and pretend you are the drummer?  Okay that might just be my ex-husband......  Singing along or recognition of a beat will not let your mind relax fully, so this type of music is not the best choice for a massage.

I also have a great love for Harry Connick Jr and some might believe that his music is more laid back and might be appropriate for massage music.  As much as I love that tall drink of water, I would have to argue against him too.  Why?  People tend to hear the words to his songs and mentally sing along with him, thus keeping the mind engaged and not allowing true relaxation.  Another reason is that sometimes the massage therapist gets tuned into the song and their strokes speed up to match the tempo of the music....and yes, I have been sucked in to the brisk massage strokes a time or two.

Even classical music can fall into the bad massage music category.  If you play Beethoven's Fifth or Fur Elise, chances are these tunes will be recognized and the client will be mentally humming along.  If you want to go with classical, add nature sounds like the surf or birds chirping to offset the familiar, or pick some really obscure songs that only a true classical enthusiast will recognize.  Trust me there are not many of those musical experts in Kentucky!

So what guidelines do I follow when selecting music?  Nothing up tempo as slower beats are more soothing.  No songs with words so the client will not be tempted to sing along.  Songs that have no true rhythm are good so the client is not subconsciously trying to keep the beat.  I toss in classical music and the occasional Enigma CD for clients that are not fans of the flutes and stringed ambient music.  Couples massages might get saxophone solos, jazz or love songs.   I am flexible and always want the massage to be a great experience so I am open to requests.  Just no country crooners or rap, lest the massage therapist is allowed to drop elbows and crush spines.....kidding.....kinda.