Some Random Beauty

Intake Call From Hell

When you are your own receptionist, like a lot of self-employed massage therapists are, you get a lot of phone calls.  Some of them are asking for basic information about massage, some requesting prices and hours of operation, some trying to sell us something, and then.... there are calls like this one.

I answered the phone by announcing my business name, then I gave my name and asked the caller what I could help her with.  In a very upbeat manner my caller started telling me all about herself.  During the next SEVENTEEN frickin' minutes I found out that she was 60 years old, that her father was deceased and his passing marked the first time she had a colonoscopy.  She told me her mother was 92 and bitter--but in otherwise good health.  She told me all about how she watched her father take such abuse from "the church and its so called Christians" where he was the minister FOR YEARS.  (The last two words of her sentence were over-emphasized for the high drama factor.)  She told me she was "thinkin' on going to the Healing Arts 'cause she is interested in trainin'.  She then segued into telling me about her car wreck and stated that she had not driven since her accident and that was THREE YEARS AGO!  (She yelled this with such vigor and pride.) And then the conversation turned to her reading aloud an article about lymphatic drainage....which she stumbled over, mispronouncing most of the content.  The caller then asked me to explain what lymphatic drainage was.  Soooooo after my mini lecture on what LYM-PHA-TIC DRAIN-AGE (I yelled this at her phonetically) actually was, she says "You don't really use something to drain that out of a body, do you?"  It was at this point I was truly irked enough to interrupt her.  I said "You know, I hate to interrupt you but you still have not told me why you called me today and I have clients to see, so tell me why you called."  There was a lengthy pregnant pause and then in a less than enthusiastic tone she said "I guess how much do you charge for a massage?"  So I tell her the rate for a 60-minute massage as I knew if she booked an appointment with me that I could suffer through an hour with her --but not one stinking second longer.  The phone line disconnected.  So after listening (mostly) patiently for 17 minutes the only thing I did not find out was the real reason she called me.

The lesson from this story is to take control of the conversation or suffer the consequences.

Snow Day in Kentucky

Simple Reminder

20 Secrets Your Massage Therapist Knows About Your Body

In just one hour long session, we can decode everything from whether you need a new pillow to how badly those childhood accidents affected you.  This is only a partial list of things massage therapists can learn....... bwahahaha

Whether you're constipated

Uh-huh, we feel it immediately. Your stomach is firm to the touch. But it's OK—we'll get things moving for you, and teach you some self-techniques too (like tracing the words "I love you" into your stomach). Don't blush: We all tend to need support in that area sometimes.

If your allergies are flaring

You have pressure points over your eyes, forehead, cheeks, and even around your jaw. When these are tender and inflamed, and the quality of the tissue feels different, we know you might be dealing with pesky allergies. Lymph nodes in the chest, around the neck, and under the armpits will also be tender and swollen.

That you cross your legs often

Crossing your legs isn't good for you. Even if you're just crossing at the heels, you put a lot of pressure on your hip flexors. In turn, the glute muscles shoot pain up to the lower back or down to the hamstrings and quads. That area is all connected. Crossing legs also causes an unnatural bend in your pelvic girdle, and prevents proper circulation. Don't do it!

That you might have skin cancer

Massage therapists are the eyes for the back of your body, and we can spot irregularities in places you can't. We've noticed bright red, oddly shaped spots behind the knees or on the back of the hip, and when we do, we'll urge you to get it checked out. Clients have called us saying, "You may have saved my life."

When you need a new pillow

There's a lot of trial and error that goes into finding the perfect pillow. You want to have your spine in as perfect alignment as possible. The pillow should support the shoulder enough to not bunch up around your ears. Over time pillows should be turned around, fluffed, or replaced when their appearance gets a bit deflated or you no longer feel supported in your sleep.

If your head is tilted down or up, it'll put strain on your neck. And speaking of strain, we beg: Don't sleep on your stomach. It places incredible pressure on your spine and neck. Sleep on your back or side. You can tuck a pillow between your knees or under your arms to be more comfortable.

If you're prone to low back pain

We'll know even if you don't say so. When you lay on the table, we'll check to see if one hip is higher than the other. That type of misalignment is caused by tightness in the low back, a result of prolonged sitting or poor posture, and usually results in pain.

When you're on your back, we'll also see how much space is between the table and your low back. Sometimes too much belly weight can cause the stressed gap, which may also lead to aching.

That you've been stressed out

We know you're uptight if you're a bit too chatty or can't focus on relaxing. Plus, your body's response to the massage will be different. Not all massage therapists believe that toxins are released during massage, but those who do take sweating or bad breath as signs that it's the first time you've let loose in a while.

That you work at a computer

You'll have a forward roll of the shoulders from looking at that monitor all day, and your back will be strained from remaining still for hours. An easy fix: quick stretches at your desk. Tense your shoulders up around your ears, squeeze for five to ten seconds, then drop and let gravity pull down your shoulders. Or, rotate in your chair like you're driving a car in reverse, and hold for a count of ten. Believe us, it will make a difference.

That you suffered injuries as a kid

We'll notice the injury patterns even you may have forgotten about. We'll see the aftermath of that childhood sledding accident, or that you once broke your leg, and then you'll tell us about an injury a decade ago. A broken leg is often slightly shorter than the healthy leg, but when we examine you with both legs side by side, it's obvious.

That you're a textaholic

If we rub your shoulders, and you tell us it hurts or it's tight, we wonder how much you've been texting. It's easy to forget how long you hold your head in that downward position, but be sure to look up and stretch every so often, because that prolonged posture will cost you dysfunction and imbalance in the shoulders.

When you're hormonal

"Trigger points" tell us a lot about your body. These are sensitive areas, which feel stickier, tense, hot, or rubbery to us and painful to you. We'll know when you're about to get your period or when you're ovulating because of sensitive hormonal trigger points in your low back. A woman will ask, "What is that?" We'll tell her she's due for her period. Many times, she'll laugh and say she got it that morning.

If you're dehydrated

We can always tell if you haven't been keeping up with your daily eight glasses of water. Trigger points in the upper back will be more tender when you're dehydrated. Drink up, especially on massage day.

That you have physical challenges

Maybe you're extremely right side-dominant. Or perhaps you carry your children on your left hip. Whatever the reason, if we see you're overdeveloped on one side and you're a triathlete, for example, we'll know you have trouble swimming in a straight line. Try doing single arm or leg exercises with the opposite arm during off-season to even yourself out.

If you traveled recently

We're a touch-phobic society. If you spent hours in an airplane, especially with a seatmate who took from your space, you likely sat on only one of your glute muscles and curled yourself away. Your strained spots will have a twisted pattern, caused by a lot of pressure on one side. Likewise, if you have significant stress in your neck, we'll guess you fell asleep without a pillow, likely hanging your head for hours.

That your bra is too tight

Intimate, yes, but easy to tell. We can actually feel where a too-tight bra strap has been cutting across the shoulder blade, because the muscles above the scapula have tightened in response to the pressure. Same goes for a heavy backpack strap or purse—you're overexerting that muscle, and it's fighting back.

When your job is taking a physical toll

Sometimes we see house painters who have predictable indents on both of their shins from leaning against a ladder eight hours a day. Another example: dentists. They have to work in a crooked position all day, so they typically carry their stress on the side of the table they work from.

If you've been chilly

Your posture changes in the winter when it gets cold, because you hunch up your shoulders to your ears. It's instinct. During those months, chances are you come to us carrying stress on top of your shoulders and around the neck, and we know why.

If you've given birth

Even if it's been a year or two since you had the baby, your ligaments may still be very loose. They stretch all over your body, not just in your hips and pelvic region. Some women have ankle and wrist problems, or they developed carpal tunnel during pregnancy. Happily, most of these issues resolve themselves over time.

If you're a heavy smoker

If so, your breathing is heavier, deeper, and harder, or you might try to catch your breath during the massage. Often times, clients fall asleep while we're massaging them, and we can tell if they smoke by how often they gasp for air while snoring.

That you're a runner

If you complain specifically about hip and foot discomfort, chances are you run regularly. The hips and low back will feel tight, and you also have tension in the bottom of the foot. We'll need to stretch you in specific ways to help with the pain.



 






Sources: Jenn Sommermann, LCMT, a massage therapist in Freeport, NY; Jessie Bernstein, LMT, BCTMB, a massage therapist specializing in pregnancy and oncology in Baltimore, Md; Lance Johnson, LMT, a massage therapist in Gilbert, Az; and Alice Sanvito, LMT, a massage therapist in St. Louis, Mo. 

Think You Are Safe in the Gym?

The gym can be an intimidating place for the inexperienced. But in some cases, it's the overly confident gym-goer to be wary of. Fitness fanatics don't always take the time to reevaluate their routine, learn new techniques or prioritize health and safety.

Try as they might to set the record straight, fitness experts can't be everywhere at all times, dispelling efficacy myths or correcting form. That's why we decided to ask them to share the fitness pet peeves they're tired of seeing. Here, seven exercises they wish you'd stop doing:

• 1
  Crunches
  Antonio_Diaz via Getty Images
  "Here's why crunches don't really work that well and are actually dangerous: Imagine your spine is a credit card. In the same way that repeatedly flexing and extending a credit card will eventually lead to wearing out of the card, repeatedly performing the crunching motion can put a lifetime of damaging strain on your back.
  
  You've probably been taught that if you're going to pick a heavy object off the ground and you don't want to hurt your spine, you should bend at the knees and not at the back. But anytime you do a crunch or a sit-up, you're bending at the back -- over and over and over again!"
  
  --Ben Greenfield, certified strength and conditioning coach and sports nutritionist, and HuffPost blogger
   
• 2
  The Seated Hip Abductor/Adductor Machine
  Getty Images
  "It's not super-effective to just target those smaller muscle groups and, quite frankly, most people I see on that machine are talking with a friend or reading a book... not really paying attention.
  
  A better option: Get more bang for your buck and do lunges -- walking lunges, cross-behind lunges, step-ups -- you will engage and use your inner and outer thighs, while also training your whole leg and functional movement."
  
  --Chris Freytag, national fitness expert, author and HuffPost blogger
   
• 3
  Behind-The-Head Lat Pulldown
  Karl Weatherly via Getty Images
  "The move I think is not beneficial and possibly harmful is the behind-the-neck lat pulldown done on gym equipment.
  
  It requires you to have very flexible shoulders, and if you don't, you can impinge your shoulder and suffer great pain in your rotator cuff. Most trainers now recommend pulling the bar down in front of the shoulders, which still has you using your lats but in a safer way."
  
  --Ramona Braganza, celebrity trainer and founder of 321 Fitness
   
• 4
  American Kettlebell Swings (If You're Not Ready For Them)
  Brian Steele via Getty Images
  "I am always hesitant of the American kettlebell swing. This can be a great move, but only if done properly. The traditional kettlebell swing is the Russian kettlebell swing, where the athlete moves a kettlebell from just below the groin up to around a 90-degree angle to the torso. This movement is a power-producing, dynamic movement that is beneficial to the stay-at-home mom or the elite athlete. All of the power is generated from the hips and this exercise utilizes almost every muscle in the entire body.
  
  The American kettlebell swing has the same start point as the Russian kettlebell swing, but it ends with the kettlebell overhead. When a kettlebell is in the overhead position, I see lots of people who overextend their backs to compensate for the weight. This is also seen when someone is fatiguing. This can be fixed by mobilizing the shoulder girdle and the thoracic spine, as well as by scaling the movement to a lighter weight or less repetitions.
  
  You should only complete American kettlebell swings if you have proper core stabilization at the top of the lift, as well as solid shoulder mobility. If done improperly, this can lead to back and shoulder injuries."
  
  --Collette Stohler, author of The Intuitive Athlete, and HuffPost blogger
   
• 5
  Curls In The Squat Rack
  Predrag Vuckovic via Getty Images
  "People need to understand that it is not alright to curl in the squat rack. This is the greatest gym etiquette offense of all and a recurring joke/point of rage amongst experienced gym-goers. You can literally curl anywhere. The weight for curls is relatively light. You could put the weight on the ground and easily pick it up. If you're squatting, you need the rack. You have to put the weight up high so you can comfortably take it out to start your set. The weight compared to most other exercises is much higher, and you need to have the safety/spot bars available in case something goes wrong during the exercise.
  
  If you're curling in the squat rack, you should probably stop because you just might be aggravating the exact person you don't want to get upset, which just might make the squat rack curl the most unsafe exercise to perform of all."
  
  --Pat Davidson, Ph.D., director of training methodology at Peak Performance in New York City
   
• 6
  The Leg Extension Machine
  Wavebreakmedia Ltd via Getty Images
  "I'm a firm believer in challenging the body with free weight and bodyweight-based exercises, as opposed to using standardized machines. Machines are not as 'one size fits all' as they seem, so more often than not, you aren't able to perform the given exercise from a natural position. When it comes to the leg extension machine specifically, it relies on a non-functional movement (we don't replicate that motion in our daily lives). It also places more stress than necessary on the back of the kneecap, which can cause problems not only for those with existing knee pain, but also others who are predisposed to such issues. There are so many more dynamic ways to work the quads (the only muscle the leg extension machine works) that activate other muscles in the legs and core, as well as create a better sense of body awareness when learning proper form!"
  
  --Alena Hall, HuffPost Third Metric Fellow and certified personal trainer
   
• 7
  The Smith Machine
  Getty Images
  "The Smith machine does all of the balancing and stabilizing for you. Due to the single plane, unnatural and fixed motion, using the Smith machine does not allow you to recruit the smaller, surrounding, stabilizing muscles. This takes away the functionality of the exercises and you isolate large muscle groups. Go from squatting with a Smith machine to the motion in a real-life situation -- like lifting a heavy object off of the floor -- and you have the potential to seriously injure yourself.
  
  [The] smooth balance and fixed motion can also make you believe you can lift more weight than you should be. Continue to use the Smith machine and you will get very strong in exactly one plane of motion, which would be great if there was only one plane of motion. Over time you can develop over-use injuries depending on which exercises you are doing with the Smith machine.
  
  The takeaway: Learn proper form with free weights. Strive to be as symmetrical as possible to avoid injuries and build up to heavier weights safely and with the appropriate amount of time."
  
  --Alison Peters, NYU Langone Medical Center exercise physiologist

Kathie Lee Gifford Owes Male Massage Therapists an Apology

First of all let me state that I watch very little network television because I find most of the shows are poorly written and reality shows are not really reality at all.  However, I was getting my nails done today and the salon had on Kathie Lee Gifford's show.....so unfortunately I caught some of the content and boy oh boy did she make me mad.  She and her co-host were talking about butt facials.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Kathie said that she would never let a man give her a butt facial and then she went on to say she would not let a man give her a massage.  Her co-host said she loved deep tissue work so she liked getting massages from men.  This comment sent Kathie Lee thru the roof.  She screeched at her pal in disbelief as to how any woman could feel comfortable with a male massage therapist and then she added this ridiculous comment "How could you get a massage from a man and not wonder what his intentions really were?". 

My first thought was "What a stupid bitch."  Then came my rage at how this person was on national television totally insinuating that male massage therapists were not to be trusted. Kathie Lee basically inferred that male massage therapists must find giving a massage a sexual experience. I wonder if she makes the same assumption about male physicians.  Hello?  Kathie, just because Frank messed around on you does not mean that all men are pigs who are constantly on the prowl for sex.  Stupid comments like this is the reason there is such a gender bias in this profession.  Shame on you!

There are so many things wrong with Kathie's way of thinking, but the sad truth is there are many other women AND men that feel the same way. Male massage therapists receive formal training and are licensed healthcare professionals but they have to work twice as hard as women to make it in this profession.  Why?  Because of ignorant people, like Kathie Lee Gifford, spewing nonsensical crap.


I wonder if Kathie Lee has ever entertained the idea that a female massage therapist might have had less than honorable intentions during a massage.  Kathie, ever hear of a lesbian?  I am sure that this thought never entered your wee little mind.  You're welcome!  I hope you never ever get another relaxing massage again.

Pssst.  You really should apologize.