June Brides

When you have almost 7,000 rings already, what's one more?

Deemed as the "world's most pierced woman," Elaine Davidson married Douglas Watson, a conservatively-dressed, piercing-free civil servant, at a low-key wedding ceremony in Scotland, the Telegraph is reporting. The Brazilian-born Davidson, 46, opted for a flowing white dress and floral tiara, but offset the traditional look by painting her face -- already studded with 192 piercings -- green, blue and yellow.

Sorry, but I am pretty sure Elaine Davidson proves not all brides are beautiful.


But, on the other hand my new daughter-in-law is gorgeous!

Babies Come From Where?

This week I did a prenatal massage and the mommy-to-be was happy to chat about her current pregnancy,   as well as her one other previous pregnancy and delivery.  I shared some details of my own pregnancies as well.  After the massage was completed I thought back to the day that my boys asked about where babies came from.  Of course it was only natural that this conversation took place at the dinner table....I mean don't most people talk about this stuff when they are eating?

The conversation was started by my 8 year old son with my 5 year old chiming in from time to time.  The mother of one of their friends was expecting and the boys had been discussing this oddity in length.  Teebie (really Stevie but he could not pronounce words that started with "S" so he was forever known as Teebie) had told my oldest son that when it was time for the baby to be born, it would come out of his mother's "butt".  Now my son was not buying that so he decided to ask me about it at dinner that night.

Son 1:  "Babies don't really come out of their mommy's butts do they?  They are in their mommy's stomach so I think there must be a way they come out there, right?"

Me:   "Ummm, well not exactly.  It is more like the babies come out of where mommies pee pee from.  But sometimes babies do come out of the tummy by a c-section.  This is when a doctor cuts open the mommy's belly and gets the baby out, then he sews the mommy back up."

Both boys are staring at me with wrinkled brows and puzzled expressions.

Son 1:  "How do those babies get in their mommy's belly anyway?"

Me:  "Ummm, well......(Thank you Rob Roy) They get out by the same road they get in.  They are put there with love."   ~HOLDS BREATH AND HOPES THAT MY ANSWER IS ACCEPTED WITHOUT ANYMORE QUESTIONS~ But no....

Son 1:  "But how do they get out?"

As luck would have it we were eating hot dogs for supper. Get your minds out of the gutter!  I picked up a saucer and the top to the ketchup bottle as I knew this discussion was going to need props for the full effect.

Me:  (holding up the top for the ketchup) "You see this?  The hole that babies come out of is this big most of the time.  (holding up the saucer)  You see this?  The hole has to stretch to this size so the baby can get out."

Son 2:  (with enormous eyes)  "THANK GOD WE'RE MEN!"

Yep, he got it!

Different Kind of D Day

A friend of mine who is on vacation took this photo and posted it on facebook.  I am thinking D DAY might stand for DIVORCE in this instance.

Bigfoot Sighting at the Mall

Sometimes when I am in need of downtime, I like to get a good pedicure.  This has always been one of my girlie pleasures and I usually go to the nail salon alone, but recently my husband was stressing and needed some affection/attention, so I decided to treat him to his first pedicure.   I figured pedicures were always good for relieving some of my tension so it just might do the trick for him too.....plus it was a good excuse for me to get some pampering while looking like a super swell wife.

Let me preface the rest of this story with some imagery.  I have teeny tiny little feet and tiny little toes.  My feet are so small, I can actually wear a size 4 in girls shoes.  My husband is the polar opposite of me.  He wears a size 15 shoe.  He has toes long enough to wrap around a tree limb and hang like a monkey.  If he ever fell overboard he would be able to swim quite handily--built in flippers you see.  If he wasn't fairly tall, he could have played a hobbit without having to use artificial feet. His feet need their own zip code.  Bigfoot would lose his title if they ever met up.  I could go on but suffice it to say they are HUGE!

Amidst a cacophony of shing ting bao duck dong'ing and sounds remarkably like silverware and pots and pans bouncing on tile floors, we were seated in chairs beside one another and two Vietnamese ladies walked over to begin our toe extravaganza.  When Hubby placed his feet up on the base of the pedi-chair, both women started speaking their native tongue very loudly and shaking their heads.  Hubby looked at me and asked what they were saying.....like I spoke fluent Vietnamese.  Now, I am not a betting woman but I would wager it was something akin to "Those are the biggest effin' feet I ever did see.  You think we need to order more lotion to cover this much territory?  We should charge double for this!"

As you can imagine, what the pedicure lacked in relaxation, it certainly made up for in entertainment.  All during the treatment the women kept laughing, speaking Vietnamese and rolling their eyes.  The only English spoken was when my lady asked if we wanted Deluxe Pedicures and when Hubby repeatedly asked them what was so funny.  When  Hubby's woman pulled out something that resembled a very large cheese grater and began rubbing it over the rough patches on his soles I chuckled quietly.  When she began sighing and wiping her brow I couldn't help cracking up laughing.  Needless to say Hubby's lady skipped a few steps in his pedicure that my lady had time to perform for me.  When he grumbled about it to me I told him "Time management Dude.  Too much foot, so sowwy fo ju."

We tipped both ladies very well and we thanked them for tackling the big job.  As we were leaving I couldn't resist telling them that we would be back and would definitely ask for them.

Quote of the Day

For all of the small-minded people who talk about me and think their opinions matter to me... it's alright... I just sit back, smile and think to myself...damn, I've got myself a fanclub.

Body Art

My husband and I believe that massage is an artistic endeavor and we see each body as a blank canvas that is in need of our attention.  A massage therapist's style is what makes their massages unique and memorable.

"A massage therapist that does not have flair is akin to an artist only doing paint by numbers and thinking they are creating a masterpiece."~Me

Quote of the Day

What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose. ~ Margaret Thatcher