New male client and I were going over his intake form when I noticed he had answered the "Are you pregnant?" question. I said "Not pregnant.....that's good to know." He answered "Well you asked!".
Client Text: I don't want to cheat on you but I need my shoulder fixed before my class tonight. Do you have a go-to person?
Me: "Yeah, I had Corwyn work on my hips the other night and I thought I was going to die. I was smacking the massage table like a wrestler smacks the mat while yelling UNCLE. If my neighbors had heard me yelling they would have probably thought he was murdering me."
Me: "I used a gift certificate to Massage Envy last week."
Client: "How was it?"
Me: "Trust me there was nothing to envy."
Client Text: I bet you want to massage me. You were thinking the same thing right?
My Text: I was! Unfortunately all these other pesky clients have me booked up until next weekend.
Client Text: The nerve!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Soup's On
Today was just not my day. I had already decided that it was going to be a sweats, bum on the couch, and relaxation kind of day. So after my shower I donned my sweats, made my way to the sofa, and started watching television. All was right with the world until my lunch arrived.
I was sitting Indian-style (sorry for not being PC) on the sofa when Hubby brought me a bowl of soup and some crackers. I was holding my soup bowl in one hand and as I reached for the crackers with my free hand, I lost my grip and everything went sailing up, then it crashed down and splattered all over my lap. When I started screaming obsenities my husband assumed I was upset that our new couch was going to be stained. This was not the case. The super hot soup had hit my bare feet and it was burning something fierce. But this was not the only thing that got burned.....
I jumped up and started ripping my sweatpants off, dancing around the living room, and screeching because the soup had splashed in my lap and scalded my hoo-ha. Hubby was watching me with a mixture of horror and amusement when he realized exactly what I was screaming about. While I ran screaming into the bathroom to examine my injuries, he was kind enough to clean the couch.
When I returned from the bathroom.....wearing my second set of sweats....limping across the room, Hubby suggested an ice pack for my burns. Imagine my surprise when he handed me a bag of frozen broccoli and told me to sit on it. But ya know what? I sat down, took that bag of green pieces and plopped it on all my red parts and sighed in relief.
The lesson of this story--besides the obvious one of eating at the table? Broccoli, it's not just for dinner.
I was sitting Indian-style (sorry for not being PC) on the sofa when Hubby brought me a bowl of soup and some crackers. I was holding my soup bowl in one hand and as I reached for the crackers with my free hand, I lost my grip and everything went sailing up, then it crashed down and splattered all over my lap. When I started screaming obsenities my husband assumed I was upset that our new couch was going to be stained. This was not the case. The super hot soup had hit my bare feet and it was burning something fierce. But this was not the only thing that got burned.....
I jumped up and started ripping my sweatpants off, dancing around the living room, and screeching because the soup had splashed in my lap and scalded my hoo-ha. Hubby was watching me with a mixture of horror and amusement when he realized exactly what I was screaming about. While I ran screaming into the bathroom to examine my injuries, he was kind enough to clean the couch.
When I returned from the bathroom.....wearing my second set of sweats....limping across the room, Hubby suggested an ice pack for my burns. Imagine my surprise when he handed me a bag of frozen broccoli and told me to sit on it. But ya know what? I sat down, took that bag of green pieces and plopped it on all my red parts and sighed in relief.
The lesson of this story--besides the obvious one of eating at the table? Broccoli, it's not just for dinner.
Massage Etiquette
Most massage therapists will greet a new client and do their best to make them feel welcome. We will introduce ourselves, review the intake form, and ask questions that help us formulate a treatment plan. Then we do our level best to give a great massage that will leave the client wanting more. But what can the client and therapist collectively do to make the massage more harmonious? I have made a list of things that I feel are both common courtesy and proper massage etiquette.
1. Cleanliness. Of course that is a dual standard. Both client and therapist should be free of body funk. Take a shower. Use deodorant. Brush your teeth. Wear shirts that cover your armpits--nobody wants a therapist to lean over them and have their sweaty, smelly pits flood their noses with body odor.
2. Diet. If you are going to be receiving a massage, it is better on an empty stomach. Why? Too much water and coffee can necessitate a bathroom break in the middle of your massage. Heavy meals can make the stomach gurgle loudly and while this does not bother a massage therapist, it might be a source of embarrassment for the client. If you eat lots of garlic and onions you can expect these scents to ooze out of your pores during the massage. LMT's are not vampires so please feel free to leave your garlic at home.
3. Punctuality. If you schedule an appointment at 1:00 pm, show up at this time or a few minutes before. Therapists should arrive at the clinic a minimum of 15 minutes prior to their first appointment so they can turn on the table warmer, adjust the table, turn on music, etc. We value your time, please value ours.
4. Noise. Chances are more than one massage is going on in a busy clinic so please use your "massage voice" when you enter the clinic. Clients walking in and yelling "HOLY SHIT I AM GLAD TO BE HERE!" is entertaining to your therapist, but not so much to other clients who are still on the massage table. Turn your cell phone off or conduct your calls outside so other clients are not bothered by your ringtones or conversations. How would you feel if the therapist answered a call or text while they were working on you? Therapists should leave their phones outside the treatment room so they can focus on the client and not disturb the bliss zone.
5. Conversation. Feel free to chat your massage therapist up if you like. Therapists should communicate about pressure, pain and movements unless the client indicates they enjoy talking during their massage. Don't be afraid to mix it up--some massages you might feel chatty and others you might prefer silence, so make your desires known.
6. Tips. While we do not expect tips, they are always welcome. Some people view the massage session as health maintenance and they would never consider tipping their physician so they assume the same position with their massage therapist. This is okay! Some view LMT's like their hairstylists and tip us accordingly. This is okay too! In other words, don't sweat the little stuff.
7. Input. If your massage was everything that you hoped it would be, please feel free to let your therapist know your thoughts. We welcome your input as to what you thought worked well and what you felt was not effective. If something hurts please speak up so that we can adjust and give you the massage you imagined. If the spot we are working feels particularly good, tell us so we can spend a little more time in that area.
Communication is key and that works for both therapist and client.
8. Scheduling Appointments. When you schedule your appointment please be mindful that this time is reserved just for you. Massage therapists are only paid when they are working, so please do not call at the last minute to cancel your appointment UNLESS you have an emergency that requires your attention. More often than not a last minute cancellation cannot be filled so the therapist loses income. What is worse than a last minute cancellation? A person that no-shows. Not calling and not showing up for your scheduled appointment is a really big no-no.
This is not a complete list, but it hits most of the high points. If you have other items to add to this list, please leave your comments. Thanks in advance for your consideration.
1. Cleanliness. Of course that is a dual standard. Both client and therapist should be free of body funk. Take a shower. Use deodorant. Brush your teeth. Wear shirts that cover your armpits--nobody wants a therapist to lean over them and have their sweaty, smelly pits flood their noses with body odor.
2. Diet. If you are going to be receiving a massage, it is better on an empty stomach. Why? Too much water and coffee can necessitate a bathroom break in the middle of your massage. Heavy meals can make the stomach gurgle loudly and while this does not bother a massage therapist, it might be a source of embarrassment for the client. If you eat lots of garlic and onions you can expect these scents to ooze out of your pores during the massage. LMT's are not vampires so please feel free to leave your garlic at home.
3. Punctuality. If you schedule an appointment at 1:00 pm, show up at this time or a few minutes before. Therapists should arrive at the clinic a minimum of 15 minutes prior to their first appointment so they can turn on the table warmer, adjust the table, turn on music, etc. We value your time, please value ours.
4. Noise. Chances are more than one massage is going on in a busy clinic so please use your "massage voice" when you enter the clinic. Clients walking in and yelling "HOLY SHIT I AM GLAD TO BE HERE!" is entertaining to your therapist, but not so much to other clients who are still on the massage table. Turn your cell phone off or conduct your calls outside so other clients are not bothered by your ringtones or conversations. How would you feel if the therapist answered a call or text while they were working on you? Therapists should leave their phones outside the treatment room so they can focus on the client and not disturb the bliss zone.
5. Conversation. Feel free to chat your massage therapist up if you like. Therapists should communicate about pressure, pain and movements unless the client indicates they enjoy talking during their massage. Don't be afraid to mix it up--some massages you might feel chatty and others you might prefer silence, so make your desires known.
6. Tips. While we do not expect tips, they are always welcome. Some people view the massage session as health maintenance and they would never consider tipping their physician so they assume the same position with their massage therapist. This is okay! Some view LMT's like their hairstylists and tip us accordingly. This is okay too! In other words, don't sweat the little stuff.
7. Input. If your massage was everything that you hoped it would be, please feel free to let your therapist know your thoughts. We welcome your input as to what you thought worked well and what you felt was not effective. If something hurts please speak up so that we can adjust and give you the massage you imagined. If the spot we are working feels particularly good, tell us so we can spend a little more time in that area.
Communication is key and that works for both therapist and client.
8. Scheduling Appointments. When you schedule your appointment please be mindful that this time is reserved just for you. Massage therapists are only paid when they are working, so please do not call at the last minute to cancel your appointment UNLESS you have an emergency that requires your attention. More often than not a last minute cancellation cannot be filled so the therapist loses income. What is worse than a last minute cancellation? A person that no-shows. Not calling and not showing up for your scheduled appointment is a really big no-no.
This is not a complete list, but it hits most of the high points. If you have other items to add to this list, please leave your comments. Thanks in advance for your consideration.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Heard This Week on the Massage Table
Client: "I was trying to massage my own feet this weekend so now I understand why you say it is hard on your hands when you have to give deep pressure on the feet."
Client: "Oh well I guess that's just another FLE."
Me: "A what?"
Client: "Fucking Life Experience."
Me: "I will be borrowing that one!"
Client: "I can tell that I am a mess."
Me: "You're not lying sister."
Hairdresser friend: "Your profession and mine are a lot alike. We get Cinderella ready for the ball but we don't ever get to actually go to the ball."
Client: "When I get home after my massages, my husband always asks me if I am relaxed and I usually answer 'yes and no'. But after you worked on him he walked thru the front door and said "Well now I understand why you say yes and no. That hurt! But I feel tons better."
Client: "Oh well I guess that's just another FLE."
Me: "A what?"
Client: "Fucking Life Experience."
Me: "I will be borrowing that one!"
Client: "I can tell that I am a mess."
Me: "You're not lying sister."
Hairdresser friend: "Your profession and mine are a lot alike. We get Cinderella ready for the ball but we don't ever get to actually go to the ball."
Client: "When I get home after my massages, my husband always asks me if I am relaxed and I usually answer 'yes and no'. But after you worked on him he walked thru the front door and said "Well now I understand why you say yes and no. That hurt! But I feel tons better."
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
High Heels Are BAD
As a result, heels can lead to bunions, heel pain, toe deformities, shortened Achilles tendons, and trapped nerves. In fact, women account for about 90% of the nearly 800,000 operations each year for bunions, hammertoes (a permanent deformity of the toe joint in which the toe bends up slightly and then curls downward, resting on its tip), and trapped nerves, and most of these surgeries can be linked back to their high-heeled shoe choice.
The problems can travel upward, too. The ankle, knee, and hip joints can all suffer from your footwear preferences. When you walk in flats, the muscles of the leg and thigh have an opportunity to contract as well as to stretch out. However, when wearing your high-heeled shoes, the foot is held in a downward position as you walk. This keeps the knee, hip, and low back in a somewhat flexed position, which prevents the muscles that cross the backside of these joints to stretch out as they normally would. Over time, this can lead to stiffness, pain, and injury. High heels can also cause lower back strain, because the heel causes your body to pitch forward more than normal, putting excess pressure on the back."
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Heard This Week on the Massage Table
Client: I used to see a Russian lady in Nashville and she was small like you, but she had a strong grip....I think you have her beat.
Client: That could not have been an hour!
Me: It's the fastest hour of your life, huh?
Client: I think you had one hand on my back and the other hand was changing the clock.
Text Message: Hey when is your next opening? I am getting my new boobs next week!
Client: Christ what is that?
Me: Been shoveling snow today?
Client: Yes I have.
Me: There's your answer.
Client: If you were a man I would ask you to marry me.
Me: Yeah, I apologized for my full-blown bitch mode today.
Client: Just today?
Client: That could not have been an hour!
Me: It's the fastest hour of your life, huh?
Client: I think you had one hand on my back and the other hand was changing the clock.
Text Message: Hey when is your next opening? I am getting my new boobs next week!
Client: Christ what is that?
Me: Been shoveling snow today?
Client: Yes I have.
Me: There's your answer.
Client: If you were a man I would ask you to marry me.
Me: Yeah, I apologized for my full-blown bitch mode today.
Client: Just today?
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