Budget This

DEAR CONGRESS, Last year I mismanaged my funds, and this year my family and I cannot decide on a budget. Until we can come to a unified decision that fits all of our needs and interests, we will have to shut down our check book and will no longer be able to pay our taxes. I'm sure you'll understand. Thank you very much for setting an example we can all follow.

Wax On

So I was working on my gal pal who is a licensed esthetician, hairdresser, cosmetologist and massage therapist--Jane of all trades-- and I was asking if there were peak seasons and/or lulls in her line of work and if her fees were competitive with other salons.  Naturally waxing is busier in warmer seasons so she was gracious enough to share her insider tips with me.  

Being me, you knew I was going to ask about the Brazilian.  For those of you unaware of what this wax treatment does, it leaves your nether regions completely bald and silky smooth like a newborn babe.  And no, I have not had enough courage to try this.  Something about the whole hot wax being slathered on the hooha and then having all the hair yanked out by the roots is not the least bit appealing to me.  But apparently this is a very popular request and not just from ladies.  So of course I asked her how she handled Brazilian's for men.  She said "I charge $200".  Since the price for women was only $50 I asked why she charged so much more for the dude.   Her reply was priceless.  "To deter it" she said with the straightest face. 

LOVE IT!

Sammy Catapari

No, this is not National Geographic Life on the Serengeti.....

Sammy is making mental notes on migration patterns, testing the fence integrity, and dreaming of drumsticks.

Garden 2

Since our sunflowers have grown to 6-14 feet tall we have become a favorite hangout place for birds and bees.  We are also flush with squash, tomatoes and fresh eggs!

Massage Gender Bias

Both men and women choose massage therapy for careers, but one has a much easier time getting clients.  Yep, this is one field in which women actually have an easier time achieving success.  Why?  It is certainly not that women have superior massage skills and men fall short, nor is it that women work twice as hard--in fact it is the exact opposite.  Both male and female therapists face obstacles, but the vast majority that men face are  more preconceived notions or client comfort levels and these obstacles are not easily overcome.

Lots of people have body images issues and getting naked or disrobing down to the tightie whities can be very uncomfortable for some folks.  While men are concerned with their physiques, women seemingly put more emphasis on their looks so undressing in the presence of a man puts additional pressure on them.  That little pooch that we get after childbirth, the extra 15 pounds we just cannot seem to drop, things that used to set up higher and now sag lower, cellulite dimples....in our minds these are attributes that we would prefer the opposite sex not get to see up close and personal.  So male therapists will invariably lose female clients due to their modesty and body image concerns.

Male therapists are generally stronger than females so this also causes them to lose clients.  Many clients think that a male therapist will hurt them with all the Herculean strength they are packing.  Never mind that therapists are trained to gauge their pressure and check in with the client to make sure they are not in pain. "They have big muscles ergo they might hurt me" is the mindset.  I have seen a female therapist leave bruises on clients and I have received massages from males that felt like they were just petting me.  The truth is that both men and women are capable of hurting clients, but male therapists seem to get more bad press and business will be lost simply because they are male.

Another reason male therapists struggle in building a client base is that men generally prefer a female therapist--they are battling their own sex!  Men tell me that they prefer a softer touch and they are not really comfortable having another man rub them.  I have heard horror stories from men that braved it and had a male therapist.....arm hair that felt like steel wool, booking appointments with Goldie and Angel only to find out that they were guys, junk bumping their heads, etc.  The fellas all tell me that they are not homophobic but they just are not as comfortable with a male therapist and if you are looking for relaxation you should go with what relaxes you.


Personally I prefer a male therapist for a couple of reasons.  One being that they are able to give me deep pressure if I need it, and secondly they have bigger hands and some massage strokes feel better when they are broader sweeps.  My body image concerns do not matter in my massage as I know that massage therapists are taught to have unconditional positive regard.  What does this mean?  It means that we look at bodies without judgment and hold you in a positive light.  Male or female, it means we see YOU.

So why not live on the edge and  in the words of one of my clients "see the dude".

The Sound of Massage Music

Have you ever noticed the music that is playing in massage clinics?  Chances are that you, the massage client, are not focused on the background music and that is precisely the desired effect that this music is supposed to have.  Music selections vary from therapist to therapist and range from solo piano to Tibetan singing bowls, but for the most part therapists try to play soothing music to add another layer to the client's relaxation.  I know some people think our music selections are not that important in the grand scheme of things, but I disagree and will tell you why.

Say for instance that you love classic rock (like I do).  99% of the time this is what you listen to when you are driving, working out, or soaking up the sun out by the pool.  Do you sometimes sing along with Mr. Mo Jo Risson?  Do you nod your head to the beat?  Tap your hands on the steering wheel and pretend you are the drummer?  Okay that might just be my ex-husband......  Singing along or recognition of a beat will not let your mind relax fully, so this type of music is not the best choice for a massage.

I also have a great love for Harry Connick Jr and some might believe that his music is more laid back and might be appropriate for massage music.  As much as I love that tall drink of water, I would have to argue against him too.  Why?  People tend to hear the words to his songs and mentally sing along with him, thus keeping the mind engaged and not allowing true relaxation.  Another reason is that sometimes the massage therapist gets tuned into the song and their strokes speed up to match the tempo of the music....and yes, I have been sucked in to the brisk massage strokes a time or two.

Even classical music can fall into the bad massage music category.  If you play Beethoven's Fifth or Fur Elise, chances are these tunes will be recognized and the client will be mentally humming along.  If you want to go with classical, add nature sounds like the surf or birds chirping to offset the familiar, or pick some really obscure songs that only a true classical enthusiast will recognize.  Trust me there are not many of those musical experts in Kentucky!

So what guidelines do I follow when selecting music?  Nothing up tempo as slower beats are more soothing.  No songs with words so the client will not be tempted to sing along.  Songs that have no true rhythm are good so the client is not subconsciously trying to keep the beat.  I toss in classical music and the occasional Enigma CD for clients that are not fans of the flutes and stringed ambient music.  Couples massages might get saxophone solos, jazz or love songs.   I am flexible and always want the massage to be a great experience so I am open to requests.  Just no country crooners or rap, lest the massage therapist is allowed to drop elbows and crush spines.....kidding.....kinda.

I Think I'm Offended!

I was working on a fellow massage therapist recently and we were exchanging stories of inappropriate behavior from past clients.  As you can imagine the stories were funny NOW but not so funny when they happened.  My friend told one that left me in stitches so I thought I would share the story.

A male client booked a massage with my friend and during the intake conversation he informed her that he sometimes got erections when he was getting massaged.  He assured her that he was not a freak but it was one of those things that he could not control.  My friend said she started massaging the fellow but the entire hour she was nervous so she kept checking to see if the client was pitching a tent with the sheets.  As luck would have it, there was no wood on the table that day.  After the client left her office she shared the incident with her spouse and then jokingly told him that she wasn't sure whether she should be offended or not since she evidently did not have what it took to arouse a man.

Garden 1

Many of our friends and clients are aware that my spouse has become a bit of a farmer this year and several of you fine folks have asked to see pictures of his masterpiece.  For those of you that do not know us personally, the skinny is that we have a vegetable/flower garden and we are raising chickens and earthworms.  Now when I say "WE" it translates that HE does all the work and I pick flowers and veggies sometimes.

Since it is a work in progress I will try to upload pictures periodically so you can see how things are developing.

Gas Chamber

At some point in your career you will have a noxious fume seep into your massage room.  I am talking about gas, breaking wind, tooting, the bottom burp, pooting.  That's right..... farting.  It is just a fact of life.  For some, the old pucker power just ain't what it used to be.  For others holding in all that pressure until sweat breaks out on your brow might be uncomfortable, but by golly there will not be a public display of this bodily function!  Why is this such a taboo?  I mean we all do it.....

Seriously, if you have someone lying face down on the massage table and you are putting pressure on their lower back or gluteals, there is a very real possibility that you will literally mash the gas right out of them.  Yes, I have seen this up close and personal on more than one occasion and the best anyone can hope for is that your face is not too close to the eruption zone when lets loose!  Sadly, I must report I have seen this way up close and way too personal a few times....and it is always the SBD that gets ya.  (Silent But Deadly, for those of you who are not familiar with this acronym).  The SBD, the stealth stink bomb that hits without any warning until it assaults your nose--and by then you have no choice but to stand your ground and take it like a good massage therapist should.

Over the years I have found that there are two types of massage tooters.  The apologetic/embarrassed and the hopeful secretive.  The first type will giggle at their faux pas and apologize profusely.  The second will lie perfectly still and pray that there was no odor attached to their silent bomb.  There is also the nondescript tooter:  the sleeper.  Occasionally a client will fall asleep on the table and you will get the pootenanny, a condition marked by firecracker like sounds emanating from the bottom for a prolonged period of time.  Since the client is asleep you have no way of knowing if they are amateur status in handling gas pains, but in slumber you are positive that they are gold medalists.

 Let me clarify that there is no right or wrong or better or worse in the tooter category.  There are simply different ways of handling the situation.  Hubby has been known to tell clients to let loose if they need to so they are more relaxed during their massage and can actually enjoy the session instead of counting the minutes until they can relieve themselves.  Some therapists ignore--or pretend to ignore the client's awkward moment.  I try to reassure my clients by borrowing a friend's line, "Any release is a good release!"  My massage therapist pal laughed and kept right on working after he shared this wise statement with me.....right after I made the noise and apologized, thanking heaven that my red face was hidden in the face cradle.

Doggone Right

Ever have somebody ask you if a massage really feels -THAT- good?  I like to answer them by asking this question:  "Have you ever pet a dog?".  It is a quirky enough lead in that people actually become engaged in the conversation......probably because they are wondering exactly where  the crazy massage therapist is  going with that line of thinking.  So when then they look at me with skepticism and say "Sure", I ask a follow up question:  "What happens when you quit petting the dog?".  The answer is usually that the dog roots under their hand for more petting and every time they try to quit the animal tries to get more attention.   I like to tell them that dumb animal isn't quite as dumb as they thought, huh? 

Simplicity is often the best way to make your point.

INDEPENDENCE DAY

What does Independence Day mean to you?  Fireworks complete with the ooooohs and ahhhhhs?  Cookouts where your dad grills up some burgers or chicken breasts and brags about his super duper grilling skills to all the visiting relatives?  Summer has finally arrived with a bang? (Corny but I couldn't resist!)  For many this is exactly what celebrating the 4th means, and while I embrace all of these notions, I think this year we should be especially mindful of what our country should truly be celebrating--FREEDOM.

Our founding fathers were a bunch of rebels with causes.  They could not abide England ruling them from afar so they rallied together and fought for independence.  Years after our country won freedom the Brits, another war was fought to emancipate slaves. The good ole US believes in letting freedom ring, so much so that we have entered wars so other countries might have the same comfort, peace and safety that we have.

So this year when you are watching the fireworks, remember they are symbolic of the cannons and bombs exploding during the American Revolution.   Please try to find time between your cookout and 3-day weekend to think about those brave souls that lost their lives assuring our freedom and to recognize the troops that are overseas still fighting.